


Voices We Never Hear, The

by westwingfanfictioncentral_archivist



Category: The West Wing
Genre: Action/Adventure, Angst, F/M, Romance
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2006-05-29
Updated: 2006-05-29
Packaged: 2019-05-30 12:58:52
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 27,487
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15097202
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/westwingfanfictioncentral_archivist/pseuds/westwingfanfictioncentral_archivist
Summary: There is a cult standoff in Utah and Donna is taken into custody by the FBI as a material witness.





	Voices We Never Hear, The

**Author's Note:**

> A copy of this work was once archived at National Library, a part of the [ West Wing Fanfiction Central](https://fanlore.org/wiki/West_Wing_Fanfiction_Central), a West Wing fanfiction archive. More information about the Open Doors approved archive move can be found in the [announcement post](http://archiveofourown.org/admin_posts/8325).

 

  ****

Disclaimer: I do not own any of these characters. They came from Aaron Sorkin's Brilliant brain. I just like to pretend I am him...=)

 

The Voices We Never Hear

Josh waited in traffic anxiously tapping his fingers on the steering wheel. He was headed to the airport to pick up Donna who had taken some time off to visit her parents. Josh parked the car and walked through the terminal to the gate she had given him over the telephone two days ago. She sounded good, arguing with him about why he hadn't gone home in two days. He'd tried to explain to her that Logan wasn't happy with any of the revisions they had made and he and Sam were up to their ears in appropriations. Donna sternly replied that it was no excuse and vowed that things were going to change when she returned. He laughed at her determination and bid her farewell until he saw her at the airport.

Josh waited patiently as the plane landed and they began letting the passengers off. He saw her walk through the gates. She looked rested and beautiful, he waved to her and she walked to him. He wrapped his arms around her in a hug and he held her tightly in his arms. She felt so good right here where she belonged.

"I missed you" Josh whispered into her ear.

"I missed you too, Joshua." Donna whispered back. They broke the embrace and she looked at him smiling brightly. He picked up her carry on as she wrapped an arm through his.

"How was the flight?"

"Awful, I'm starving. Did you know that the portions they serve on airplanes are less than a portion given to dog in a can of food, and that dogs food has more flavor."

"That I did not know. How did you find that out?"

"I read it somewhere. So where are you taking me to lunch?"

"I interrupt my day to come and pick you up from the airport and now I have to buy you lunch?" Josh protested as they walked along. "Chaez okay?"

"Sounds delicious."

* * *

"So I'm watching CNN, which was actually weird, because I realized I wasn't sitting in CJ's office..." Donna said as Josh watched her eat and talk at the same time. She hadn't stopped since he'd picked her up. Giving him every detail of her week with her parents, friends and family. "Josh are you listening to me?"

"What? Um...yeah CNN."

"Joshua you haven't heard a word I've said have you?"

"Yes I have." He defended.

"Prove it."

"Okay..." Josh hesitating a moment.

"See I told you."

"Give me a second there was a lot of information coming out of those pale pink lips of yours. Okay I've got it. Your Mom told doctor..."

"Bruce."

"Bruce that she didn't feel that she needed her heart pills anymore but you thought that was a bad idea. Until your father told you that the pills were placebos anyway and that your mother is a hypochondriac. You brothers' girlfriend has three tattoos' all of them in unmentionable areas and your Aunt Jane wouldn't stop bugging you about when you are going to settle down and get married. Oh and then, there is Tracy, your ex-best friend who is now married to a rich but abusive guy that you cannot stand..."

"Okay enough. You made your point."

"I listen to everything you say Donna."

"You do not."

"Yes I do, I may not acknowledge that I hear you but I am listening."

"That is probably the nicest compliment you have ever given me Joshua. Thank you. What do you want?"

"Nothing! Can't a boss tell his assistant that he appreciates her?"

"I suppose. You have to realize though, in my experience it only happens just before the boss is about to ask for a favor."

"Well I guess I just blew your theory out of the water didn't I."

"Yes you did." Donna replied taking another bite of her salad. "Who's been running the desk?"

"No one."

"Josh you didn't scare another poor temp away did you?"

"No, not at all. Actually Bridgett, Bonnie and Carol have been running your desk and helping me out."

"That was sweet of them, you didn't annoy them too much did you?"

"Not too much although Carol did call me an insensitive ego maniac."

"Wonder where she got that?"

"CJ I think." Josh replied as Donna laughed at him.

"So what's on the agenda for today?"

"Today?"

"Yeah."

"I thought I was going to take you home after..."

"What am I going to do at home Josh, sit and stare at the walls all day? I'm bored, I want to come back."

"I have to sit in on a meeting with Toby and the new EPA initiative. I haven't had a chance to work up the notes from the last meeting with Logan."

"Consider it done."

* * *

 

 

There was a knock at the door and Josh Lyman looked up from the document he was reading. Sam Seaborn stood in the doorway waiting for the nod to come in.

"What's up?"

"We still set for three?"

"Yeah, Logan's secretary just called and confirmed."

"Good." Sam replied still standing in front of him silently.

"What?"

"I..." Sam started and then stepped back checking the hallway oddly.

"Sam what are you doing?"

"Nothing." He replied turning back to Josh. "I'm supposed to ask you if you have anything planned."

"Planned?"

"Yeah."

"Planned for what? Sam, you sound like Donna."

"Right." Sam nodded as if Josh was supposed to understand what he was talking about but he didn't. Josh growled in frustration.

"Will you just tell me what you're talking about?"

"Donna's birthday." Sam said.

"Birthday?"

"Yeah you know that day when..."

"I know what it is, when is it?"

"Thursday."

"And today is..."

"Tuesday. You didn't know?"

"Sure I did. I just..." Josh replied trying to save himself.

"Nice try Tex." Sam said stopping him. "Anyway I was supposed to ask you if you had anything planned for her but obviously the answer is no."

"Okay." Was the only word he could mutter, the guilt seeping into his veins.

"So, I'll see you at three." Sam finished, walking out of the office.

"Sam." Josh called to him.

"Yeah."

"Does everybody know but me?"

"Pretty much." He answered disappearing down the hall.

Crap! Not only had he been a major pain in the ass lately but also now, he had forgotten her birthday. No he hadn't, it was Tuesday.

* * *

"CJ."

"Josh."

"Got a moment?"

"Half a one why?" She stopped mid-stride, placing something on Carol's desk as she entered her office.

"I a need a favor."

"You didn't!"

"I..."

"Josh you are such a blockhead sometimes!" CJ exclaimed, reaching over and closing her office door. "How could you possibly forget her birthday?"

"It wasn't on the calendar." Josh replied feebly.

"Josh have you ever not resembled a political machine?"

"Not that I know of. If you could just..."

"No. This is the third year Josh, I will not bail your sorry ass out again."

"CJ..."

"How did you get yourself out the first time?"

"She was with Free-ride at the time. I don't know what to get her and you're a..."

"Yes?" She said giving him an icy glare.

"Intelligent, sophisticated woman..."

"Nice try."

"CJ please!"

"I couldn't even if I wanted to. There is a national crisis brewing in Utah and I don't think your lack of sensitivity takes precedence."

"What going on?"

"Cult in Utah has taken 27 hostages."

"What do they want?"

"Don't know yet."

"When's it going to hit?"

"An hour."

"Do they know the guys name yet?"

"Not yet."

"So you have a little time..."

"Get out of my office!"

"It'll just take..."

"OUT!"

Josh left the office looking at his watch it was almost noon. He headed through the bullpen and into his office where Donna was waiting patiently.

"You're running late."

"No I'm not, I'm leaving now."

"There's an accident on Madison so take Leslie to Marks that should take you around it."" Donna said to him as she handed him his backpack and jacket. He pulled on his jacket as she straightened his tie. "Remember the budget analysis is in your projections folder and not your legation folder."

"You put the latest..."

"Yes, it's in a gray envelope in the back. Don't forget you have a two o'clock with Leo and then your three o'clock with Sam and Logan."

"Right. You'll meet me...

"In front of the Roosevelt room with the rough for Logan and the polls for Leo."

"At one forty-five."

"You're learning." She finished with his suit and tie and stepped back. He smiled at her and exited the office, jumping into the elevator.

Donna looked at her watch. It was twenty till twelve. 'Knew it would work.'

* * *

 

"It shouldn't get top billing."

"It's going to."

"Can't you take care of this?"

"Toby, what do you want me to do? Ignore a man with 27 hostages?"

"Why not?"

"You're nuts."

"I'm right."

"No you're pissed off because this is going to take your billing."

"That too."

"Toby I can't just downplay a major hostage situation because you want to show off the Democrats ability to play nice with the other children."

"CJ it's a major break in the struggle of social security benefits."

"Toby it's the 100th break in the struggle of social security benefits."

"Where is all of this animosity coming from?"

"Lack of sleep."

"So, how can we bury it?"

"I'm not burying it."

"Do they know who the guys is?"

"We don't know. The statement came out through a secondary source."

"So we have an unknown individual with allegedly 23 people, inside a compound in Utah."

"27"

"CJ this guy could be having a barbeque, for Pete sake!"

"Toby..."

"You need to take care of this."

"I'm not burying it."

"CJ!" Toby growled as CJ walked past him into the pressroom.

"Toby." Sam said taking pace beside him.

"In our aspiring age of computer technology we can identify what I had for dinner three weeks ago based on breath analysis. But still have no idea who a man, now the basis of national media coverage, is. Does this make sense to you?"

"That's sad."

"Yeah."

"Donahue wants an allemande to the Athens quota."

"Why?"

"Because he thinks that with the allemande he will be able to persuade the committee to sign off on it."

"What's the allemande?"

"Third party drug testing."

"Mandatory?'

"Is there any other kind?"

"Who's going to fund it?"

"M.A.I.D."

"So not only will we have to allow a third party we will be holding their hand?"

"That's what I said."

"And?"

"They agreed to second party only if we fund half."

"Tell them twenty five but you can negotiate up to thirty five. Keep it in the low thirties."

"Gotcha."

"You meeting with Logan?"

"Yeah at three, why?"

"Ask me at two thirty." Toby replied entering his office and turning on the television, he waited a moment as the top story came on about the situation in Utah.

* * *

Josh walked into the bullpen toward the Roosevelt room where he was to meet with Donna before the two o'clock with Leo. He tapped his watch lightly and shook his head. He had arrived on the Hill with ten minutes to spare, which according to his watch was impossible. He'd have to remember to ask Donna about it. Josh looked up as Sam approach.

"Do you know the difference between a cult and a religious organization?"

"Why?"

"Toby wants to know."

"Ah I would say the difference is..."

"The type of membership." Donna replied following up behind Sam and Josh.

"What?"

"The difference between a cult and a religious organization is the type of membership. In a religious organization, you are a part of a community that ends and you go back to your own life. In a cult, you are forced to give up everything to the cult including you outside identity. It is a form of manipulative brainwashing, achieved through group process, isolation from other people, psychological pressure, geographical distance or unavailability of transportation, and sometimes physical pressure."

"Okay then. What's up?"

"Utah."

"Ah yes the state that still believes in prohibition."

"That could explain a lot."

"Do we know who he is yet?"

"No. But we did receive notice of demands."

"What are they?"

"He wants the nation to repent of their sins and acknowledge him as the son of man."

"Excuse me?"

"Biblical reference to a name given to the savior of the people."

"Interesting." Sam replied.

"Donna, I'm going to need the transcripts from CJ. I'll bring it up to Leo, see how he wants to handle it."

"Repent for my sins, that would take years." Josh said looking at his watch again walking behind his desk and waited. "Hey, do you know what's wrong with my watch?"

"What about it?"

"I think the time is wrong. I was early for my meeting."

"And this is something to complain about?" Sam asked.

"I'll have it looked at." Donna replied simply. She took his backpack and jacket handing him a leather folder.

"How'd we do?"

"Two points." Donna replied smiling.

"Two points?" He started looking over the document. "How much time do I have?"

"Five."

"Sam what does Toby want to do?"

"Bury it."

"That's not really an option. What did CJ say?"

"What can she say?"

"She has to say something she's the Press Secretary."

"She said nothing."

"I'll bring it up to Leo but I'm telling you now he's not going to like it. Why does Toby want to bury it?"

"Social Security."

"Isn't this like the millionth one?"

"Actually it's the 17th."

"So what's the big deal?"

"It's fifty-fifty."

"Really?"

'Who's on the fence?" Donna asked.

"Regan and Wester." Sam replied as he walked away.

"Donna see if Regan has time to see me today." Josh said absently.

"You don't have time today."

"Yes I do."

"No you don't."

"I'm booked solid?"

"Every minute."

"Okay, make it tomorrow." He turned and walked into Leo's office. Margaret who was unusually silent this afternoon greeted him. She opened the door for him and he stepped inside.

Leo was sitting behind his desk talking. He nodded to Josh's presence and hung up the telephone.

"How'd it go?"

"Good, they are going to look over the prospectus and will give us an answer by the end of the week."

"What'd they say about the addendum?"

"They had their concerns but I think I brought them around."

"How'd we do in the polls?"

"Up two points. I think tobacco helped."

"We'll see."

"Leo about this Utah thing. Toby wants to bury it and focus on social security."

"And CJ?"

"I haven't spoken with her yet..."

There was a knock at the door and Margaret walked in with a file, Josh motioned her to give it to Leo.

"Is this everything we have so far?"

"Yes sir."

"Give me an hour and I'll let you know what we're going to do. When's CJ's next scheduled Press release?"

"Three.'

"You and Sam have Logan?"

"Yes sir."

"Cancel Logan. Keep me informed and pass the word that we want a Senior Staff at four with a draft for the President and numbers on how this thing is going to go."

"Yes sir."

Josh headed straight to CJ's office where Sam and Toby were standing discussing possibilities.

"What'd he say?"

"He's going to talk with the President and tell us what he wants to do at four. Sam we need to cancel Logan for now so you can work up a statement while Toby and I run numbers."

"Utah?"

"Utah."

"Does he want a draft by the four o'clock?"

"Yeah, so try and make it as short as possible."

"Toby I'll met you in your office in five?" Sam said walking out the door. Toby nodded in agreement and looked to Josh.

"Let's try and make it human, we don't want to piss this guy off okay?"

"Yeah, this is coming from the king of empathy." CJ slapped at him as he followed Toby out of her office.

* * *

"One out of every twelve Americans are involved in cult activity at sometime in their life. Usually in their early twenties or late fifties." Agent Wickland read.

"So they are either coming of age or regretting their age." CJ commented. Agent Wickland had been sent over for a briefing for the four o'clock press conference. Giving CJ what she needed to control the mob.

"Most cult followings are almost always sourced through brainwashing. This is the use of suggestion as it relates, either logical or illogical, to the members' conscience or unconscience. Stemming from a weakness, loss of a parent, religion, society or government." Wickland continued. Someone knocked on the door of the office and CJ saw Donna waiting with a file.

"Donna, come in."

Agent Wicklands eyes faltered a moment from the text as he watched her walking around the room quietly. CJ watched him as Donna approached the desk; she took the folder from her.

"In most cases a cult faction is rooted in unrest with life overall" The Agent said cutting in and explaining the thinking behind the text. "The positive changes in their lives are demonstrated within the cult infrastructure. When the infrastructure is challenged a panicked state of mind takes over creating unrest and delusional thinking toward the outside world."

"How do we proceed?" CJ asked, opening the file as she talked.

"Negotiation at this point. He has made it quite clear that he wants to be heard and is willing to talk."

"Do we have any links to the inside?" CJ followed again trying to keep the man's focus.

"Without identification it's virtually impossible. There are no ex-members that we can locate...."

"Who's the negotiator?"

"An Agent by the name of Wayne Townsend."

"What's his record?" CJ asked looking up at him for a moment.

"Five for five in getting the situation neutralized. Four for five in safely releasing all of the hostages."

"What happened in that one?" CJ asked listening but looking at the folder.

"Agent was forced to kill a hostage in self defense."

"Are Josh and Toby still at the polling station?" CJ said writing a note on the folder.

"Yes, do you want me to tell them to come by when they get in?"

"If you could, Thanks." CJ said now writing on the document.

"Sure."

The man's eyes lingered on Donna again as she waited for CJ response to the folder. Abruptly the door opened and Carol came bounding in.

"We got it!"

"Great, let's take a look." CJ replied watching as she put the tape in the VCR. Carol then stepped back handing Agent Wickland a manila file.

A compound surrounding an old farmhouse was shown. People sitting on the ground in the background in a prayer stance. A thin man stepped out of the main house. He was in his late fifties and gray, he walked to a nearby truck stopping as he opened the door. The camera quickly zoomed in on his face and then was paused. The image staring back at the audience.

"His name is Andrew Matheson he is fifty-seven years of age. No wife or family on record and he has lived in..." CJ looked around the room listening and she caught sight of Donna staring at the screen.

"Donna, are you alright?" Carol asked walking to her side. Her face was pale and she was visibly struggling to maintain her composure.

"Donna?" CJ repeated watching her eyes turn down to her hands.

"I just..." She started trying to gather her words. "I know that man."

"You know him?" Carol repeated.

"How?" CJ asked. Before she had time to answer, Agent Wickland was on his feet going toward Donna. He pulled out his Cell phone mumbling something incoherent.

"Ma'me I'm going to have to ask that you come with me." The Agent said to Donna.

"What..." Donna said stunned by the man's reaction.

"What are you doing?" CJ yelled to the man, jumping up from her desk.

"CJ..." Donna said helplessly, as the man began pulling her out the door.

"Now!" Wickland demanded.

"Hold on a minute!" CJ commanded.

"Ms. Moss is now in the custody of the Federal Bureau of investigation."

"Carol get Leo!" CJ yelled.

"What's going on..." They heard Sam say as he walked into the office, Carol rushing by.

"Agent Wickland is taking Donna into custody."

"Why?"

"She is a material witness in a national case." The Agent responded, just then three more Agents arrived in the office. Agent Wickland took Donna roughly by the arm handing her to them.

"Based upon what?" Sam sliced.

"We apologize for any inconvenience this may cause you or your staff." Agent Wickland said stonily as he followed the other agents who were escorting Donna out of the building. "If there are any questions please feel free to contact the FBI Director. Have a good day."

Sam and CJ stood helpless as they watched Donna and her armed escort leave the West Wing.

"Where the hell is Leo?" CJ said walking to Leo's office.

"Can he just do that?" Sam asked walking in stride beside her.

"Apparently." CJ said.

"What do we do?"

"I have no idea."

They arrived in Leo's office watching Carol waiting by the desk as Margaret talked on the phone.

"Where's Leo?"

"Margaret's trying to get a hold of him now, he had the Cabinet Lunch with the President Today." Carol replied. "What happened?"

"They're already gone."

"Can they just..."

"Apparently." Sam finished.

"As soon as you get a hold of him come get me, I don't care where I am." CJ ordered Margaret. She walked back out with Sam.

"What time is Josh due back?"

"Three thirty." Sam replied.

"We have forty minutes to figure out how we are going to explain this." She said turning to him.

"I'm not telling him."

"Sam..."

"It happened in your office."

"See if you can get a hold of someone in charge at the bureau. Do we have the draft?"

"Yeah."

"Good. I'll call justice and find out the laws. We'll meet in Josh's office in 25 okay?"

"Okay."

* * *

Josh and Toby returned to the Manor, polls in hand. The numbers were good, as long as they played it by the book and there were no surprises. They headed for CJ's office to regroup before the meeting with Leo.

"Here's the Draft." Bonnie said handing a folder to Toby as he and Josh dropped their stuff in his office.

"Hey Bonnie can you find Donna for me?"

"Sure." She said walking away.

"Leo wants to see you in his office." Carol knocked on the door and popped her head in.

"Me?" Josh asked.

"Yeah." Carol said as Sam entered the room behind her and Josh exited.

"I'll meet you guys in CJ's when I'm done." Josh called as he left and headed to Leo's. Margaret opened the door for him and found Leo seated in the leather chair waiting.

"Hey. The polling went really well. We are looking at maybe two points, one and a half if it goes smoothly and we can..."

"Josh have a seat." Leo said quietly. Josh timidly took a seat taken aback by the seriousness of Leo's expression. "We had an FBI consultant come in to brief CJ on Utah and what to expect. While he was here we received video of the man who is the alleged leader of the threat in Utah."

"Have they made an I.D. on him yet?"

"Yes."

"So now that we know who he is we can move..."

"Josh. Donna was in the room when the video was played."

"So?"

"She I.D.'d the man."

"What?" Josh replied the wave of shock at the news hitting him.

"Unfortunately the Agent from the FBI was present when she realized it and..."

"And what Leo?"

"They took her into custody."

"She doesn't have anything..."

"She's a material witness."

"So you just them take her?" Josh asked standing and beginning to pace.

"He wanted to get an uninfluenced statement. It's standard procedure. CJ and Sam did everything they could..."

"How is any of this possible? They can't just take her into custody can they?"

"When it is a national case they can pretty much do whatever they want."

"Where is she now?"

"On her way to Utah."

"I thought you said she was just a material witness?"

"Yes."

"What are they planning to do?"

"We aren't sure..."

"Oh come on Leo!" Josh exclaimed.

"Josh this man has a militia of eighteen, twenty-seven hostages and is firing on Federal Agents. Not to mention they have an arsenal of weapons, storages of food and water to last at least a year." Leo tried to explain. "This is turning into a setting for disaster and the FBI are coming off of the wings of Waco. They are going to use any means necessary to end this as quickly as possible."

"And that puts Donna in the center of it."

"Unfortunately, yes."

"So what are we supposed to do? Just sit here and wait to see what happens on the news?"

"For now yes."

"Leo..."

"Josh I am in the dark on this thing as much as you, but we need to play by the rules of the game, for now."

"For now?" Josh said with a glimmer of hope.

"We are going to watch the situation and if it progresses to a point..."

"We'll step in?"

"We'll step in. But understand, we have no authority in this arena unless we know for a fact it's going bad."

"Understood."

"Good. Now get the rest of the group in here and lets hash this out." Leo finished, standing and walking behind his desk. Josh went and retrieved the rest of the Senior Staff and they went over every number, letter and detail that was needed to stay on top of the situation. It lasted most of the night but there was renewed energy with the threat to one of their own.

* * *

"Do you think I have time to deal with this?" Josh finished roughly grabbing a document from a young woman sitting at Donna's desk. Toby watched him storm back into his office. Toby walked up to the receptionist telling her to take a break, and then walked into Josh's office slamming the door. Josh just ignored him, looking for something on his desk.

"We need to talk."

"Toby I don't need this right now!"

"Yes you do."

"Why?"

"Because I think you would rather have this conversation with me instead of Leo."

"What?"

"You have been walking around ranting like a mad man. And it is becoming an issue."

"With who?"

"Everyone." Josh sat back glaring at his desk. "Josh, she's your assistant."

"I know that! Why does everyone keep saying that?" Josh replied frustrated with the conversation.

"Your unwillingness to realize this fact."

"I realize it, I just said it. How am I not realizing it?"

"Because you running around the West Wing like your girlfriend cheated on you!" Toby said raising his voice.

"I'm..." Josh stopped a moment realizing Toby's statement.

"Josh, Donna is your assistant, she is the major link in a national case and you are in the dark. It would piss me off to."

"Toby I'm..."

"It sucks deal with it."

"Are we done?"

"Yeah." Toby replied nodding his head and leaving the office.

 

* * *

 

  ****

Wednesday 1:30 am

Sam walked down the hallway to Josh's office, the bullpen was dark and quiet everyone who was sane had gone home for the night. The rest of them plowed through; praying the sun wouldn't rise until the job was done.

He knocked on Josh's door and found him sitting alone surrounded by clutter and files. The TV was on CNN muted; there were crumpled papers and books strewn throughout the floor and couch. All the while Josh was reading.

"Hey."

"Hey." Josh replied not looking up from his document.

"You done with the Logan Rough?"

"Yeah." Josh replied tossing the document to him, he sat back in his chair beginning to read again.

"Have you heard anything?"

"No."

"What'd Leo say?"

"We are going to keep an eye on it and if it gets out of hand we'll step in. Otherwise it's out of our jurisdiction and there's nothing we can do. I put in a call to Mike Casper."

"Your contact in the Bureau?" Sam said turning to walk out of the office.

"Yeah."

"Heard anything back?"

"Not yet." Josh replied as Sam began to leave. "Sam."

"Yeah?"

> > "I..." Josh started struggling to say something beyond the conversation. "You headed home?"
>> 
>> "Soon."

* * *

  ****

Utah

Wednesday 2:00 am PST

 

"You're not listening to me!" The Agent yelled slamming his fist down on the table.

"I don't know what you're talking about." Donna's head ached as she tried to shut it out, the relentless questions, hounding, and accusations. She didn't know how much more she could take.

"What are you trying to hide?"

"I'm not trying to hide anything!"

"You want those people to die don't you?" He snarled at her.

"I don't have to listen to this I am not a suspect in this case and I will not be treated like one."

"How do you explain Matheson's intimate knowledge of the Presidents associations?"

"I don't know maybe he watches CNN." Donna replied sarcastically back to him.

"Your sarcasm gives you away."

"And your tie is obnoxious."

"Ms. Moss your connection to the situation is clear."

"My connection to the situation is voluntary."

"Fine then, we'll move on." The Agent agreed. "Ms. Moss did your mother check you into a mental hospital when you were fifteen?"

"Yes."

"What happened at the hospital Donna?"

"I..."

"Ms. Moss you were in the hospital for twenty seven days surely you can remember the treatment you were given." Donna paused a taking a deep breath to maintain her composure.

"Yes I was treated for Manson Syndrome."

"And what are the specifics of that syndrome."

"It is a form of mental brainwashing."

"Were you cured?"

"Yes."

"Is it also true that studies have shown that Manson Syndrome isn't completely curable?"

"No."

"But there is a chance..."

"NO!" Donna exclaimed. "I spent five years of my life in therapy and now you want to sit here and assume that this man is still in control if my mind?"

"Ms. Moss we aren't assuming anything. These are the facts. We are wondering how you got such a prominent job in the White House with such a unpredictable condition."

"It is not a condition. It is an outside form of manipulation."

"Manipulation that can be controlled by the man that is holding 27 people hostage at this very moment!" The Agent shouted putting his face in hers. "Ms. Moss did you know that Andrew Matheson was planning to murder 27 people?"

"No." Donna replied.

"Donna is it true that are you helping Andrew Matheson through your connections at the White House and are his source for the quotes he has given to the press regarding the President?"

"No!" Donna repeated her voice tightening.

"Donna are you planning to help Andrew Matheson kill those 27 hostages?"

"No."

"Have you ever had sexual relations with Andrew Matheson?"

"No, Stop! What do you want from me?" Donna exclaimed her composure finally cracking; she stood abruptly pushing the chair she was seated in back.

"We want you to end this!" He yelled back.

* * *

Josh unlocked the door walking into her apartment. Donna's roommate had gone to Jamaica on vacation and Josh knew the cats would need to be fed. He searched for the light flipping it on taking in the apartment. It was warm and girlie just as he had remembered. Pictures and momentous scattered throughout. He went to the kitchen and began searching for the cat food seeing the empty dish down on the floor. He quickly found some and opened it, emptying it into the bowl. The cats came scrambling, Josh sighed deeply thinking of how she always complained about them when he knew secretly she loved them. He missed her.

Josh walked out into the living room spying a group photo of the staff from the Christmas party last year. He took a deep breath remembering what a day that had been, everything he had put her through. Josh took the picture off the table taking a seat on the couch. His mind buzzed through conversations, laughs and smiles they had shared through the years. He didn't want to think about what Donna was going through in Utah thus far. With no boundaries from the White House, Leo and the President feared that the FBI was taking full advantage of the lack of supervision. Josh's chest began to tighten with the image of anyone hurting her. She was the one thing that calmed him, made him focus on his priorities. Right now, his priority was getting her through this. Here he was sitting in her apartment 10,000 miles away from her, helpless to do anything but think about her and worry.

Josh laid back into the couch holding the picture close to his heart. His mind still buzzing but his body exhausted. Donna would get through his, she had to, he couldn't imagine...

Josh awoke to the annoying ringing of his telephone. He grappled for it finally picking up the receiver. "Lyman." He said rubbing his eyes. There was an enormous amount of static on the other end. "Hello?"

"Josh..." He heard her voice through the garble and jumped from the couch where he had fallen asleep, pushing the telephone into his ear as if that would allow him hear her better.

"Donna!" He said. "Donna can you hear me?"

"Jos..."She repeated as the static began to clear.

"Donna where are you?"

"I'm in the FBI mobile headquarters."

"Are you alright?"

"I'm..." She started her voice fading in and out. "Josh I wanted to call you...I'm sorry for not telling you..."

"Donna it's fine, don't worry..."

"I'm so sorry Josh I..." Suddenly he heard an explosion and a scream, the line went dead.

"Donna!" He yelled into the telephone, he turned to the television quickly changing the channel to CNN. He began to pace the room, anxiously waited for the story to break. It finally did.

_We have an update on the standoff in Utah. We have reports of an explosion in the FBI main camp approximately 2miles from the Matheson compound. CNN has unconfirmed sightings that a shoulder held ground missile launcher was fired from the compound. Let's go to Chuck with a live feed of the scene._

The camera angle switches to a live picture of the FBI barracks in flames.

  __

"As you can see behind me the tragedy that is unfolding. Just three minutes ago the FBI headquarters here in the Matheson standoff was reportedly hit by a missile launched from the compound two miles away. Fire rescue crews are scrambling to bring this blaze under control and rescue any survivors from the blast."

"Was there any warning from the blast?"

"There has been none reported so far. The speculation is that the attack on the Headquarters was in response to the FBI shutting down all power in the compound. We'll have to wait and see what the FBI's answer to such a travesty is..."

Josh's phone rang again he snatched it up. "Donna?" His expression change as his heart sank hearing Sam's voice on the other end of the phone. "Yeah I just saw...okay I'll be right there." Josh hung up the phone quietly and sat a moment staring at it.

Please God let her be okay.

* * *

Donna felt the heat of the blast behind her as it threw her off her feet. She had been standing outside the headquarters on a walkway. She flew through the air landing face down on the ground between the two buildings. Donna heard several explosions and covered her head as she tried to stand, crawling away from the destruction. It finally ended and she turned back to the building, which had been obliterated. The building was collapsing in flames and she struggled against the intense heat it was giving off. Abruptly she felt hands on her arms leading her away, she turned and saw a firefighter leading her to an ambulance.

"Ma'me are you alright?" Donna nodded in response not having the strength to talk. The firefighter sat her down and began checking her eyes and body. He pulled out a large piece of gauze and held it to her forehead. As he touched it, she winced in pain.

"Hold this here." He looked over her arms and began bandaging a laceration across her upper arm. Abruptly a man came from behind pulling her to her feet, she lost her balance from the head rush. She heard the EMT yelling at the man that she needed medical attention, but the man just kept pulling her along. Finally, she was pushed into the back of a car and it sped off. Everything was a huge blur, her head pounded and her body ached.

Things were beginning to become clearer as the car stopped and she was lead into a hotel room and told to sit down. The room was filled with equipment and Agents milled about staring her down. She felt the intensity in the room rising, a man she had never seen before stepped out from the back of the room eyeing her intently. He walked up to her putting his hands on either side of her chair.

"You fucking bitch! Did you think that we wouldn't know? Did you think that we wouldn't make the connection?"

"What are you talking about?"

"You ordered the launch didn't you, you told those psycho's in there when to fire."

"NO! I didn't... I had nothing to do with it, I wasn't..."

"LIAR! You just killed eight of my men and you are going to sit here and say it wasn't your fault? You had nothing to do with it when we saw you calling in the launch!"

"NO...I..." Donna protested as the man stood up in front of her, his eyes piercing her mind. "I was calling my boss."

"Your boss?"

"Deputy Chief of Staff Josh Lyman. I was calling him... I had nothing to do with the explosion!"

"Where did you get the phone?"

"Agent Willis gave it to me you can ask..."

"I can't ask because Agent Willis is dead along with Agent Wickland, Agent Morris, Agent Fallard, Agent Jefferies, Agent Blacark, Agent..."

"Stop, please stop...."Donna yelled.

"Where's the phone now?'

"I...I don't know it was thrown from my hand in the blast. You have to believe me, I would never hurt anyone!" Donna pleaded struggling to prove her innocence. "Josh...you can call Deputy Lyman, he can verify I was talking to him on the phone at the time of the blast!"

"That bureaucratic pig would defend you even if you murdered his mother on national television. No, I don't need the White House involved in this fiasco. All I need to even the ante is sitting right in front of me."

* * *

  __

"This is an ABC update on the standoff in Blake Utah. In the aftermath of the bombing of the FBI headquarters that has, in the most recent reports, left 18 injuries and so far no fatalities... Speculation of White House involvement in the standoff and of any collaboration are vague and questionable but not with out possibility."

"How did this happen?" President Bartlet exclaimed in the Oval office to Leo and a top military advisor.

"There was a missile launched from the compound at approximately 7:30 am Eastern Standard Time."

"Why didn't we know they were armed with that caliber of weaponry?" Leo asked.

"We can't get close enough to the compound without being fired on." The Agent replied." Sir the public is going to expect an immediate response to the incident."

"What's on board?"

"We have three teams of 15 agents."

"How many of the hostages will we loose?"

"Half."

"That's unacceptable."

"What about negotiations?" Leo asked.

"We haven't been able to get through the bible babble to actually negotiate anything. The FBI pulled the plug on the power in the camp yesterday, and they're scheduled fly bys for three and five today. Along with a very loud sounding of Metallica and Marilyn Manson."

"Marilyn Manson?" Leo asked.

"It's apart of the stress escalation measures used in hostage situations." The President explained.

"Make 'em crazy, drive them out." The military agent added.

"How does Donna fit into all of this?"

"We assume they are hoping with the known presence of Ms. Moss, Matheson will lower his guard enough to begin negotiations."

"Through her?"

"Yes, if he feels he can trust her, which we think he will, he should respond to her interaction to the situation positively giving them the time and edge they need to plan any possible assault."

"Who's in charge down there?" Leo asked.

"Director James. He is the head of the Special Forces division. He took over just after the bombing."

"With your permission, Mr. President I would like to suggest sending a representative from the White House to oversee the operation from here on out. We cannot ignore the FBI's animosity toward the White House stemming from Waco. I have to say that my concern lies in this matter because of the possible ramifications of having a White House staff member alone in Utah and put into the middle of a national standoff. Either way the Bureau could make this ugly. And I would like to avoid it ending up in our laps."

"What will sending a representative say?"

"Not only will it show your full involvement in the standoff it will show Matheson that you are listening." The Agent replied.

"While I am hesitant in questioning the motives of a branch of our government I am very aware of the writing on the wall." The President replied thoughtfully. "Who do you suggest?"

"Josh Lyman."

The President thought over the suggestion carefully. He walked to the windows of the room staring out into the darkened sky. It had rained most of the morning and the storm cloud over the Manor wasn't lifting anytime soon. He felt the concern of the staff emanating from the walls. People were in immediate danger and they all felt helpless as to finding a resolution. Having one of their close-knit family in the middle of the battle was adding stress to the situation on both sides. "Fate has walked a thousand miles and will walk a thousand more. You can lead or follow, your choice." The President said to himself, he turned back to the men patiently awaiting his response. "Alright let's do it."

"Thank you Mr. President."

"Leo."

"Yes sir."

"Does Josh know?"

"No sir."

"Let's keep it that way for now, the more objective he is the better."

"Yes, Mr. President."

* * *

Donna stood quietly as they fitted her with a head set. This was it; they wanted her to begin negotiations with Matheson. First over the telephone and then face to face.

"Channels' open." An Agent standing to her right said to her.

"Andrew there is someone here who wishes to speak..."

"Pray for forgiveness, your men are in their hell for the suffering of his disciples. Look down into your soul and you will see the light of the universe within your frail unison of hatred. We are not living by the word of man but by the word of our God as he speaks..."

"I..."

"Pull your souls out of the gutter and hear the word of your savior Jesus Christ. Take your life and give it to him, repent for your sins!"

"Can you hear me?" There is silence on the other end of the telephone.

"I'm here."

"I need you to listen to me."

"The wraith of the lord will come down upon you and your solicited lies. You are the devils daughter made through hate and loathing, performing the bastardly deeds of the soulless and the unjust."

"You have to listen to me I want to help you. I want you to see what you are..."

"I see. I see the light of the Lords words. I will move to it and you shall also with my hand in your thoughts. You are the chosen. You are the one who will save. Your bastardly ways will be our liberation from this daunted world and the world beyond. Listen to the cries of your children, the cries of their suffering!" She listened intently as the crying and screaming of men and women being tortured in the background resounded through the phone.

"Please stop this, you have to let them go you can't do this..." Donna pleaded the screaming becoming louder and more intense.

"Hear them, they are receiving the light and so you shall..." Abruptly the line went dead and there was only the sound of her heartbeat booming in her ears. She looked to the technician standing beside her as he shook his head in frustration.

"We lost the connection..."

"Get it back!" Director James ordered him as he walked to Donna taking her roughly by the arms. "We need to talk." He pushed her into the adjacent room slamming the door behind them.

"That wasn't good enough."

"I did exactly..."

"You know him. Tell me what he's planning!"

"I can't tell you anymore than I already have I don't know anything more."

"Answer the question!"

"I don't know!"

"I'm sure you do."

"I don't. How many different ways can I say it?" Donna replied a defiance glowing in her eyes.

"Your lying, you are helping him, feeding him information."

"You're as delusional as he is!" Donna spat back at him.

"Your negotiations with him will determine..."

"Determine what? The best way to kill him? What angle to shoot from?" Donna exclaimed, losing her patience. "You don't want to negotiate! You want his bleeding body to hang up in front of the world and say look this time I didn't fuck it up!"

"Shut up!"

"You and your band of gorillas assume that I have some secret connection with this man where there is none. You don't want my help! You want me to make you look good. 'The White house was withholding valuable information during the standoff.' Will be you rebuttal for when this blows up in your face." Donna yelled to him her sarcasm increasing. "The only reason I agreed to come here is to try and help those people out of there. Not to make the FBI look good because I'm telling you right now as soon as all of this is over the President will hear about your lack of negotiation. Replaced by your use of intimidation and threats to resolve this situation." Abruptly the man backhanded her across the face sending her reeling to the floor.

"You don't know anything about how your President's laws of negotiation impede the progress of this situation. We should have blown that compound away two days ago when we had the chance but no, negotiation is the key, we are told. Tell that to the families of the seven Agents who died this morning." He replied fiercely. "No sweetie this situation is in my hands now and no matter how hard the White House tries to get their hands into it I will claim victory over Mr. Matheson and he will pay for his religious arrogance." With that statement, he turned on his heel and left the room.

They tried for the next three hours to get through to the compound but were unsuccessful. They decided to take a break and Donna was taken back to the hotel, she had been given her own room with a guard outside the door.

Donna walked in the room and the guard closed the door behind her. As the door, shut the loud thud made her jump, the silence of the room suddenly enveloping her. Her legs buckled, unwilling to carry the weight of her mind any longer, the tears falling hot and fast down her cheeks. She lay down on the floor in the middle of the room hugging her knees against her chest as the tears continued relentlessly. She didn't move just stayed quiet, watching as her entire world crumbled around her.

* * *

 

The plane landed at 7pm Pacific Standard Time. Josh tried to focus on the task at hand, to oversee the procedures and successful negotiation of release of the hostages. The situation had steadily deteriorated within a couple of hours. After the bombing communication from the Utah FBI headquarters had been stopped. Negotiation attempts were steadily failing and tensions were rising.

Josh pulled into the parking lot of the hotel and he anxiously went in asking for the location of the FBI rooms. He was told the entire third floor and took the elevator up. Josh walked steadily down the hallway and was passed by several Agents and then watched as a far doorway opened. Josh sighed in relief as Donna stepped out of one of the rooms. He saw her pale face and tired eyes; she looked like she hadn't slept in months. Josh's heart pound in rage at the sight of her battered body. She had a nasty cut on her forehead and a bruise on her left cheek. She finally looked up seeing him approach. Donna stopped cold in her tracks and just stared at him. He watched her face crumble before him as he continued to approach her, a hot tear trickled down her cheek and he took her into his arms, hugging her tightly. He felt her collapse into him her body shaking uncontrollably. She finally pulled away from him, trying to retain her composure. "What are you doing here?"

"Leo sent me."

"Does anyone know you're..."

"I do now." Director James responded to her question as he walked up to the group. "What the hell do you think you are doing here?"

"Director James, I assume." Josh said confidently. Watching the man's eyes focus on Donna like a cat hunting its prey. "I'm Josh Lyman the Deputy Chief of Staff. I have been asked by the President to come out to offer my assistance in resolving the situation."

"I don't need your assistance."

"None the less I'm here to help." Josh replied to the gruff man whose eyes never left Donna.

"As I said I don't need your assistance and I don't have time to cater to your ambitions so if you going to stay, get out of the way and let me handle this."

"Director James with all due respect from assessing the situation at present you can use all of the help you can get."

"Asses all you want. I'm in charge here and unless you get the President on the phone to tell me otherwise, I don't have to listen to jackshit of what you're saying. Now if you'll excuse me I need to get back to work." He walked away from them disappearing around the corner. Josh turned back to Donna whose expression had turned to one of stone cold fear.

"Let's go to your room we can talk there." Josh said following her back to her room.

"Josh I'm so..."

"What are you talking about? You keep nagging me to take a vacation."

"Josh..."

"It's not your fault I wanted to be here."

"Why?" She asked him innocently.

"For you." Josh said softly catching her iridescent eyes within his coral ones. Abruptly the door opened and an Agent walked in.

"Ma'me. Director James would like to see you."

"What for?" Josh asked

"I am not at liberty to state sir."

"Okay, let's go." Josh said placing his hand on Donna back.

"I'm sorry sir you will have to stay here."

"Do you know who I am?"

"Yes sir. Deputy Chief of Staff sir."

"Josh it's just a briefing I'll be right back."

"Okay." Josh replied as he watched her leave the room with the man. He stood up feeling the rage within bubbling over. He wanted to just get her out of here now but he knew he couldn't. Director James was obviously not happy about his presence, and that was a tell tale sign something was rotten. He picked up his cell phone and dialed Leo but got a no signal error on the phone. He walked over to the hotel phone and was greeted by a dead line. "Damn it!"

There was a knock on the door and then it opened, the same Agent that had escorted Donna out re entered the room.

"Mr. Lyman, Director James wishes to speak with you now." Josh followed the Agent down the hall and into a luxury suite that had been transformed into a conference room.

"Deputy Lyman, please come in, join us. We are going over the plans for tonight's negotiations. I thought you would be interested in seeing what is going to happening."

"Where's Ms. Moss" Josh asked.

"She is in the next room getting fitted with some equipment."

"Why?"

"If you'll have a seat I will be happy to explain." James, and three other men were seated around the table Josh took a seat at the mid size conference table. "Within every situation there are certain protocols. We are empowered to do certain things to destabilize and in essence try to break down the momentum of the aggressors."

"Stress Escalation Measures."

"Yes, I see you have done your homework. It ranges anywhere from shutting down the power to playing loud music." The third agent replied.

"Now unfortunately none of these measure has seemed to have had any effect. So now, we are going to try a different approach. What we have been authorized to do is set up an arbitration between Matheson and Ms. Moss. We are hoping that with Ms. Moss's help Matheson will weaken his grasp of the current situation"

"How?"

"Within the confines of the compound Matheson is locked in a certain reality. Theoretically if he is taken out of that environment and faced with someone or something that takes him back to a better environment, it will breakdown the cycle of confidence surrounding his mental state." The second Agent explained.

"So what you are telling us is that you will be sending Ms. Moss into the compound to negotiate the release of the 23 hostages in the hope that she will bring him back to reality?"

"27" Both Agents corrected at the same time.

"Based on what?"

"That's classified information."

"You do realize that she is a private citizen with no training in negotiation, diplomacy or even tactical maneuvers in the case that something goes wrong."

"Yes Mr. Lyman we are very aware of all of the facts in this case."

"It's not going to happen."

"Mr. Lyman you have no jurisdiction to..."

"I don't? Well I happen to know a few people who do and if I..."

"This is a FBI operation Mr. Lyman not a conference room full of bureaucratic fat cats sitting around deciding what..." James countered loudly rising from his chair.

"Director James if I have to call the President of the United States to stop you from doing this..." Josh yelled back also rising from his seat challenging the man.

"You politicians are all the same. You wanted negotiations I'm giving you neg..."

"She's not going in there!" Josh roared locking eyes with the man in deliberate defiance.

"Yes I am." Donna said standing in the back of the room. " I've made my decision and I'm going in." Josh stared at her in disbelief. She walked to the table her eyes never leaving Josh's.

"Donna there's another way, you don't have to risk..."

"Yes I do. If we wait it may be too late. Those people need to be set free from this man and I know I can convince him to do it." Donna replied a hesitant confidence in her voice. Josh's eyes pleaded to her to change her mind, but she had decided. Nothing was going to change that now.

"Alright. But there are conditions."

"You don't..."

"I do and you will or I pull the plug."

* * *

  ****

Wednesday 7:03 p.m. EST

"Sam."

"Yeah?"

"This message came for Josh and it was forwarded to you."

"Who's it from?" Sam asked, perplexed by the comment.

"Don't know it's marked classified." Ginger replied handing him the message. Ginger left the office and Sam opened it, he read it carefully and rushed out of the office and down the hall. "Ginger, call CJ and Toby tell them to meet me in Leo's office!"

"When?"

"Now!"

Sam continued his gait down to Leo's office and walked in as Margaret jumped out of her chair startled.

"Sam..."

"Is he in?" Sam said walking past her to the door.

"He's with..." She replied as he opened the door without so much as a knock.

"Leo," Sam said entering the room unannounced, he motioned to the congressional representative sitting in the couch across from Leo. "I apologize for the interruption but I have something that is in immediate need of your attention."

Leo stood, taking the small piece of paper from his hand.

"I'm sorry John but I am going to have to take this." Leo explained to his guest, Margaret showed the man out as CJ and Toby entered the office.

"What's going on?"

"Where did you get this?" Leo asked Sam.

"It came from the Bureau for Josh and was forwarded to me. I'm assuming it is from Josh's contact." Sam explained.

"What came from the Bureau?" CJ asked as Leo looked over the piece of paper. "Would someone please tell me what's going on?" Sam looked to Leo as he picked up the telephone and nodded in confirmation.

"We received an intelligence leak from the Bureau concerning the Utah standoff."

"What does it say?" Toby asked.

"It basically says that the standoff was not started by the Matheson Organization it was a Bureau sting gone bad."

"What?"

"So we infiltrated this Cult, got caught and now the Feds are trying to turn it around and save face."

"Yes." Sam replied. "The FBI tried to pull their people out of the cult and ended up killing three of the members in the process."

"Was it self defense?"

"No."

"So we tell the Feds to back off."

"We can't."

"Why not?"

"Because we don't know about it."

"We just going to stand by and watch as more innocent people are put in the crossfire just so the FBI can save face?"

"Pretty much."

"Leo..."

"CJ I can't come down on something that I'm not supposed to know anything about."

"What is happening is wrong and now Josh and Donna are in the middle of it. We can't..."

"Communications have been broken off, there's no way I can get anyone out there without bringing more attention to it. We are just going to have to ride it out."

"Leo...."

"There's nothing I can do."

"What exactly Donna's involvement in all of this?"

"It's classified."

"Leo you can't..."

"Yes I can and I am. This is a federal case and any information about it is classified. You all know too much already." Leo explained. "Get back to work, I'll let you know if I hear anything more."

 

* * *

Communications for the operation had been set up in a small trailer just outside the compound. Josh had insisted he be in the trailer in full and complete contact with every aspect of the operation as it occurred. He was fitting with a vest and headpiece at the hotel and then taken to the site. The drive to the compound was short. They pulled up and Josh was escorted into the trailer. He walked in seeing Donna seated in the corner on the couch being counseled by one of the Agents.

"Mr. Lyman. Hi my name is Agent Tabert I will be the commander of the team tonight. I just want to over a few things before we head out."

"Okay."

"First the structure of movement will be in an offensive position. Donna will be out front; there will be three Agents behind her Davis, Atkins and myself. Bringing up the rear will be Reynolds, Miller and Shet.

Now there are four snipers positioned here, here, here and here." He explained pointing out heir positions on the map. "We aren't expecting any trouble but if there is we will be prepared. Now you will hear everything that is going on between Ms. Moss, Matheson and the negotiator Wayne Townsend. Ms. Moss, he will prompting and coaching you through the whole process."

The Agent's attention was focused now on Donna. Josh watched as he explained the different things Townsend might have her do and how to sound like it was her talking and not Townsend. Josh watched her listening intently to the Agent.

Her hair was tied back into a ponytail a few loose tendrils falling down over her face. He had never seen her look so beautiful. His heart pounded as he pictured all of the things that could go wrong. How all of this could end up. Josh understood why she was doing this but he still couldn't help but think that it was a mistake. This was being rushed by the Feds; there was a better way. They had just convinced her there wasn't.

The Agent finished the briefing and left them alone in the trailer as he called the other members of the communications team out for a final pre op. The trailer quickly emptied and Josh walked to Donna who was adjusting her vest to fit more snugly.

"Donna..." Josh started losing his thoughts in the liquid of her eyes. "You don't have to do this."

"Yes I do." She replied staring into him with her soul.

"I..."

"Josh I'll be fine. These guys seem to know what they're doing and I..."

There was a knock on the door and Agent Tabert appeared.

"You ready?"

"As ready as I'll ever be." Donna replied.

"Let's go." Donna gave him one last smile as she left the trailer. Josh watched her through the monitor and reminded himself to breathe.

Donna joined the group of Agents outside and they began a radio check, he watched her smile at the sound of his voice over the communicator. As it finished they all took their positions and started out. The small trailer filled again with Agents. A man was leading the group and he introduced himself as Agent Townsend, he was the negotiator. He explained the need for radio silence and precise monitoring of the situation. Everything was in motion and now they just had to wait and see how it all panned out.

Donna stepped forward into the darkness walking toward the compound. The sound of her shoes crunching against the rocks beneath her feet was deafening.

_"Okay stop"_ She heard Townsend say to her quietly through the earpiece. _"We have him in our view his approaching from the left."_ Donna turned her head seeing the shadows before her moving slowly. A young woman emerged from the shadows and then she saw Matheson. He was holding a gun to her head and had her positioned in front of his body. He continued to move forward slowly.

_"Let him initiate the conversation."_

"Is this what you wanted?"

"You know it isn't." Donna replied calmly, feeling herself falling into the past.

"I know. I see the beast within your eyes hiding behind the sky of your mind. You have not repented girl, have you forgotten everything I taught you?"

_"Do you know what he is talking about?"_

Donna replied with a double tap of her belt.

_"Then do it."_

Donna knelt down onto the ground and began a silent prayer, Matheson watched her intently, loosening his grip on the woman. Donna reached down picking up dirt from the ground sprinkling it over her head. She made the sign of the cross and waited. Matheson continued to stare at her, but she just remained.

"You may rise, you have repented for your sins against the father." Matheson released his hold on the girl lowering his gun to his side. "She may go. The chosen has returned."

The girl ran from Matheson's grasp past the squad and into the darkness. Donna waited until the girl was out of her line of view and then rose from her knelt position.

"The earth and spirit are one."

"Yes they are." Matheson replied a grin spreading over his callused face.

_"Apologize for the intrusion."_

"I regret that I have intruded on you holy place."

"The chosen is never an intrusion."

_"Hostages"_

"I have concerns for the well being of our lords children."

"There is no need for concern, they are within their fathers embrace." Donna hesitated a moment searching her mind for a response.

_"Keep the conversation going."_

"But they are without knowledge."

"Knowledge?"

"Yes." Donna replied the words falling from her lips. "It is said that the spirit will not enter the kingdom with out the knowledge of the light. I have been shown these children have not gained the full knowledge of the light."

"I have taught them all they are going to need to face the father with an open embrace."

"What of the lesson of compassion?"

"Compassion is triviality."

"It is truth. You are the leader of the spirit that guides. Compassion is the light of which we seek." Donna challenged him.

"The world knows no such light."

"You are the only one to see. You can show them the way. Release them from their darkness."

"I have released them."

"They remain. I can see them waiting for you. You must lead them out."

"Your mind has been blurred by the world that surrounds you child."

"The world upon which the Lord has given to me."

"And the Devil has seized!" Matheson replied his tone rising in anger. "Down will fall the stars from the sky, down will fall the great empires of the earthen prison. Up will be raised those who believe in his name."

"His name is compassion." Donna finished.

"His name is wraith!"

"My Lord is a forgiving and just. Cradling the innocence of my journey."

Josh listened to the conversation in awe as if Donna was speaking an ancient language he had never heard. Matheson challenged her and she countered confidently but calmly. The prompting from Townsend had ceased. This was her play and they were letting her do it.

"The wrong road has been taken."

"And the Shepherd led the flock home. Into the grace and definition of all of his God's creations." Matheson became silent with her words of truth, spoken as sweetly as it was first uttered. She slowly took a step froward keeping his eyes within hers. "Son of all men you have done well, you have shown them the light. Now they must journey along the path to their own destiny."

"They will fall."

"They will rise again" She took another step.

"They will stray!"

"They will return." Another step.

"They will protest."

"They will repent." Another step, she was now less than a foot away from him.

"They will question."

"They will learn." Donna stood silently choosing her words carefully. "Andrew it's time to come home."

Donna stood waiting for his response. She watched him search her eyes, for what she didn't know. He stepped toward her, slowly...

Suddenly shots rang out; Josh watched helplessly as chaos erupted.

"We have gunfire Fox 11, Fox 11!" He heard Tabert call out as everyone ducked for cover.

"What's happening?"

"They're going in."

'What, they can't!" Suddenly he saw a militia of men appear in the distance heading toward the compound. He heard the men in the compound on the earpiece screaming of gunfire and need for back up.

"No, you have to pull them out."

"Send them in, this is our chance to wipe them out." Director James ordered as he entered the trailer.

"At what cost?"

"Any cost."

Josh pushed past the man going out the door and toward the chaos of the compound. He heard Townsend arguing with James over the intercom and then heard Townsend calling to Tabert alerting him to Josh's presence.

"Lyman. Get your ass back here."

"I'm not coming back without her."

"Lyman..."

"Sir, I see her!" He heard Tabert respond. "She's over by the wall twenty feet to your left. I can't get to her."

"I'm going..."

"Lyman you're interfering with..." Josh pulled out the earpiece seeing Tabert. He ducked and ran to the man who was stationed behind a stonewall.

* * *

 

3:00 am EST

"Mr. President." Charlie said gently shaking the man's shoulder.

"What Charlie?"

"Leo has news." Charlie replied. The President sat up in his bed turning on the light.

"Where is he?"

"Right outside sir."

"Send him in Charlie."

"Yes, sir." Charlie walked across to the door as the President pulled on his robe and slippers. He stood as Leo entered the room looking haggard and tired.

"You've heard from Utah?"

"Yes sir."

"Let's have a seat." The President said as he motioned to the furniture. They both took a seat, Leo's expression growing graver.

"Sir, negotiations with Matheson have broken down and a full out assault is underway as we speak."

"Are communications still down?"

"Yes sir."

"Then how did we receive this information?"

"From a reliable source."

"Is it confirmed?"

"Yes sir."

"What else do we know?"

"The identity of the negotiator was named as Donna Moss."

"WHAT!" The President exclaimed in horror.

"Josh was also listed as a part of the negotiation team."

"Are they all right?"

"We don't know."

"I want James on the phone now."

"Sir I don't..."

"Don't tell me I can't Leo. I am not going to..."

"Sir this information is considered classified and a leak. Stirring up the water now will only complicate things further and possibly put Josh, Donna and the hostages in more danger."

"They will try to dump their cards before they get caught cheating, if we tip our hand now."

"That's right sir."

"Leo they shouldn't be there."

"I know sir but they are and we need to let the situation ride itself out."

"I swear to god if anything..."

"Yes sir, I understand sir."

"Let me get dressed and I'll meet you in the office."

"Yes sir."

* * *

"I can only cover you for a few moments otherwise you are free for target practice." Tabert explained to him as shots continued to be fired around them.

"Yeah"

"When you get to her come back the same way, and duck back behind the wall and wait. You sure you want to do this?"

"Yeah."

"Wait for me to say go and then run."

"Got it." Josh waited against the wall his heart threatening to explode in his chest.

"GO!"

Josh scurried as fast as he could along the wall. He caught sight of her just as the back up Militia entered the arena. Another round of shots was let off and he was pinned against the wall.

* * *

Donna hit the ground and scurried for the wall to her left, she found a steel barrel to hide behind, she searched for where Matheson had gone but she lost sight of him.

"Josh, can you hear me?" Donna said getting nothing but static from the earpiece. "Josh..." Five shots landed just above her head and she struggled trying to turn the barrel to cover her. As she moved something hard hit her hip, she glanced over gazing at the discarded weapon next to her. She heard a round of shots again and turned, seeing Josh pinned against the wall. The gunfire had suddenly quieted as a barrage of soldiers pounded through past her into the compound. She turned again watching Josh running toward her, in a second she felt him in front of her, his back turned away from the wall.

"Are you alright?" He asked her, holding her face in his hands.

"I think so." Donna replied. Suddenly she saw movement from the shadows beyond his shoulder. Her heart raced as her leg moved out pushing Josh away.

* * *

Josh breathed a sigh of relief for a moment having her within his arms and then was abruptly reeling backward, hearing a shot fired. He landed awkwardly and caught his breath. Everything seemed to move in slow motion, opening his eyes he saw an armed man possibly two feet away falling forward onto the ground. Josh's heart stopped. He turned to Donna who stared blankly as the man fell. Josh began to sit up and then he saw the gun in her hand. His heart slowed and then raced as he watched her expression. It was one of disbelief, her eyes widening as she looked to him. The gun fell from her hands on to the ground and she just sat there. The compound was suddenly deathly silent, it was over.

Josh approached her slowly, Donna saw him and her eyes screamed to him for help. He pulled her forward gently and she fell limply into his arms. There was no sound, nothing from her. Donna just sat starring at the body she had caused to fall. Matheson lay face down in the dirt of the compound.

The Militia began exiting the compound, the shooting had stopped and there was an eerie silence surrounding them. One by one, the hostages walked past them, having been released from their captor.

Josh saw their faces but they meant nothing to him. All he could feel was the pain and confusion he had seen in Donna's eyes. He saw Tabert approach them timidly.

"She's in shock. We need to get her to a hospital." Josh nodded in agreement.

"Take them into custody for debriefing." James voice echoed through the small arena as his heavy footfalls approached them.

"Sir Ms. Moss is in need of immediate medical attention." Tabert objected, as he assisted Josh in standing her up.

"She seems to be uninjured. It can wait until after I am done." James replied taking Donna roughly by the arm.

"Back off." Josh boomed to the man, pushing him away from her.

'Tabert take them into custody." James demanded.

"No sir."

"Are you disobeying a direct order son?"

"Yes sir I am. Based on the evidence of the past three days, I question your abilities as Assistant Director of the FBI and therefore will not acknowledge your authority." Tabert finished walking away with Donna and Josh.

 

* * *

"Sir we received the initial report from Utah."

"Let's hear it."

"Mr. President, the Director of the Special task force assigned to the Utah standoff developed a plan of action using face to face arbitration." Leo began to explain to the President. "At approximately 10 p.m. PST this plan was put into action. The negotiator along with seven armed FBI agents were met by Matheson in a secluded area just outside the compound. According to Director James the negotiating had progressed positively and then there were shots fired."

"By who?"

"Reportedly Matheson's militia, but that has not been confirmed."

"Then what happened?"

"The FBI quickly retaliated and called in reinforcements. The compound was overtaken within a matter of minutes. " Leo continued.

"And Josh and Donna? Are they alright?"

"Physically, yes."

"What do you mean physically. Don't double talk me Leo."

"Mr. President apparently Matheson had disappeared as the shooting began. He then reemerged with an assault as Josh along with other agents was trying to recover Donna from the crossfire. There was a discarded weapon lying beside where they were positioned." Leo stopped gathering his thoughts. "Sir, Donna shot and killed Andrew Matheson."

"Are you sure?"

"Yes sir." Leo replied as the President rose from his seat walking toward the window. "She most likely grabbed it in reaction and it accidentally went off. It was a clean shoot sir. Clearly self defense."

"She shouldn't have been there Leo." The President started the emotion in his voice rising as he turned to Leo in frustration. "Damn it! There should have been another way. When did our own Militia become the enemy?"

"I don't know sir."

"The Federal Bureau of Investigation is supposed to protect the will of the innocent, not shatter it. Even just the idea that this was started by our stupid negligence..."

"Sir it will be investigated."

"Waco was investigated, look how much good that did. Here we are again

Trying to explain what the FBI was thinking. What their motives were? Worst part is we know their motives were less than honorable. They were downright unconstitutional but I can't say that because they work under my name!"

"Sir a full internal investigation will be done and they will reach a fair conclusion. There's nothing more we can do."

"Call me as soon as you hear from Josh. Update CJ, Sam and Toby. Tell them to get ready for the aftermath."

"Yes Mr. President. We are going to run with the Directors report of events."

"Yeah let's keep the names out of it for now, and Leo."

"Yes sir?"

"Bring them home."

* * *

The waiting room was stale and cold. Josh sat against the wall his head in his hands as he relived the moment over and over again. It had all happened so fast. He couldn't get the helpless look in her eyes out of his head. The expression of reality as it hit her. She had killed Matheson in defense of him. Donna had pushed him out of the way and fired. She had saved his life. The cost was too high, she didn't deserve this. They shouldn't have been there.

The doctor that had taken Donna when they first arrived entered the room and both Josh and Tabert stood awaiting his news of her condition. "I looked her over. She has a laceration on her upper right arm, it looked a few days old." The doctor explained as Josh's face was riddled with concern at the news. "It had become severely infected. I stitched it up and gave her some antibiotics that should clear it up. She has a mild concussion but other than that, she seems to be recovering fine. The initial shock of the incident has passed but I would advise you getting her into some type of counseling as soon as you return to DC. Gunshot victims of either side suffer from severe traumatic stress." Josh remembered the words of another doctor telling him the same thing. It was disturbing to be on the other side.

"Besides someone keeping a close watch after her, I have no other instructions for you. Try to make things as normal and comfortable as possible. Then watch as things progress. If you want I can discharge her right now."

"Can I see her?" Josh asked.

"Yeah sure, she's just beyond those doors." The doctor replied as he walked out of the waiting area.

Josh walked through the wooden doors; he was faced with several small cubicles along with a few rooms. He walked to the nurse sitting at the front table.

"I'm looking for Donna Moss?"

The nurse smiled and pointed to the third room. He walked back slowly not knowing what to expect as he walked through. He heard voices from within the room and hesitated a moment not wanting to barge in on the wrong person. Josh heard a gruff male voice and then a cry of pain that he knew came from Donna. Something smashed to the floor and Josh opened the door of the room stepping in. He saw James holding Donna by the arms as he shoved her violently against the wall.

"Get your hands off of her!" Josh exclaimed as he saw Donna's panic stricken expression. James pulled her forward and then backhanded Donna in the face sending her reeling into the corner of the room. Josh leapt forward pulling the man around and hitting him square in the jaw. The man fell back and then recovered, staring at him intently.

"Get out."

"You have..."

"GET OUT!!!" Josh roared at him, standing in front of Donna defensively.

James straightened, holding his jaw, and stormed out of the room. Josh waited until he was gone and turned moving to Donna who was still seated on the floor. He held out his hand and she took it using his strength to help her up. He pulled her into his arms wrapping them tightly around her. "Are you alright?" Josh whispered into her ear.

"I think so, yeah." Donna replied back her voice shaken; she pulled out of his arms walking to the other side of the room.

"What was he doing here, what did he want?" Josh asked thrown off slightly by her reaction.

"He wanted to say thank you."

"Thank you?" Josh asked watching her nod to him in response. "What for?"

"For taking care of Matheson for him."

"Donna... It was an accident you..." He walked to her, reaching for her and she backed away avoiding him.

"No it wasn't." Donna said shortly pulling away from him.

"Donna you don't..."

"It wasn't an accident Josh." She replied firmly.

"Donna I know you're upset but you can't blame yourself for what..."

"Yes I can."

"No you can't. It wasn't..."

"Yes it was! I picked up the gun, I fired and I killed him." Donna said with so little emotion that he almost didn't believe the words were coming from her lips. He was speechless and breathless. He didn't know what to do or how to respond so he went with the easy choice. Silence.

"I want to go home."

"Donna I..."

"Josh I just want to go home." She replied pleading to him with her eyes to get her out of this awful place. He nodded putting his arm on her shoulder and walking out of the room.

* * *

  ****

Two weeks later...

It was the middle of the day as Donna started her computer checking her email. She pulled out the Logan rough Josh had emailed her, he had a meeting with Logan tomorrow and she needed to finish it for him. Abruptly Carol walked into Josh's office and then saw Donna seated at her desk.

"Donna!" She exclaimed walking to Donna happily hugging her. "I though you weren't coming back until tomorrow?"

"I decided to come back early. Two weeks was long enough, I was going stir crazy." Donna replied smiling.

"I'm glad you're back. We missed you so much! Does Josh know you're here?"

"No, not yet. He's up on the Hill." Donna replied. "Thanks for taking care of Josh while I was gone I know he can be a real..."

"Oh it wasn't any bother. He's cute once you get to know him. Oh by the way I finished the notes on Logan. I left it on his desk."

"Great, thanks."

"I have to go CJ's briefing is in ten minutes."

"I thought the Press Corp briefing was at three?"

"It is. I mean it was. With everything going on she decided to rearrange a little. See you later."

Donna stood silently and sighed. She walked into Josh's office and took the brief from his desk thumbing through it absently. Josh's office was actually clean and organized for once. She walked out of the office deciding to see if she could get the specifics on the progress of the new EPA initiative Josh had left her a note about. He was going to need statistic and particulars. She walked down through the bullpen with purpose. She stopped at Sam's office knocking on the door. He looked up from his desk and smiled at her.

"Donna what are you doing here?"

"Working." She replied shortly.

"I thought..."

"I decided to come back today. Sam I was wondering if you knew anything about the EPA initiative Toby and Josh..."

"Sam..." Ginger said as she entered the office. "Donna hi, I'm so glad you're back!" The woman said giving Donna a hug.

"Thanks, I'm glad to be back."

"Here are the EPA stats you asked for," Ginger said handing him the report, and walking out of the room.

"Thanks."

"What about the EPA?"

"Nothing." Donna replied cheerfully. "I just came by to say hello."

"It's great to have you back Donna."

"Thanks Sam, I wanted to..." The telephone rang and Sam held his hand up answering it. Donna stood there a moment feeling suddenly suffocated. She waved Sam a quick good-bye and went to the bathroom.

She barely made it to the toilet before she lost her lunch. She came out of the stall and walked to the sink turning on the cold water, she splashed it on her face and looked up into the mirror. Donna saw the image of her own face staring back at her but didn't recognize it. She felt herself slipping away but didn't know what to do. Everything had changed, and she didn't know how to change it back.

* * *

Josh made a mental note to get Donna some flowers for her desk tomorrow. He anxiously awaited her return. These past two weeks without her had been hell for him in every sense of the word. Donna had decided to take a few days off to recoup and it had turned into a little more than a week. He missed her but knew that she needed to be with her family to deal with everything that had happened.

The public backlash from the incident was more of a slap on the hand. Internal investigations into what truly happened behind close doors were still being held with Agent Tabert as their star witness. James had been suspended pending investigation. Josh and Donna's involvement had been kept out of the investigation on the grievance of national security. Josh was more than glad for that saving grace. Donna had been through enough; she didn't need to relive the entire ordeal over and over for the next two years. Josh turned the corner as Toby approached him.

"Josh."

"I know it's weak Toby, but we can push it through."

"Not at ten percent. Five maybe, but not ten."

"I got them down from thirteen, there is only so much one man can do."

"Do more."

"You know what Toby, you want it down, why don't you sit in and talk them down with me. We'll do the whole bad cop, good cop thing."

"As long as you get to be the good cop.?"

"Naturally." Josh walked into his office and stopped a moment seeing a flash of blonde out of the corner of his eye. "Donna?"

Donna stepped from the back of room taking something out of the printer and walking past him into his office.

"What are you doing here...when did you..."

"I took the red eye, I got in this morning and... working." Donna replied as she put a pile of documents on his desk. "Hi Toby."

"Hey Donna, welcome back."

"I..." Josh stuttered.

"Nick Daniels called from legal and wants you to send him the crypts. The EPA has been moved up to three." Donna said absently as she started sifting through the documents on his desk.

"Great." Josh said as Toby patted him on the back and walked away.

"I told CJ I would stop by her office with the EPA stats. Do you need anything while I'm gone?"

"Ah...no, not that I know of."

"Okay." Donna replied walking past him and out of the office. Josh stood silently feeling like someone just ripped his heart out of his chest.

"Josh."

"Yeah." Josh replied turning.

"Is Donna here?" Bonnie asked poking her head into his office.

"Ah no, she just went down to see CJ."

"Thanks." Bonnie replied. "It's great to have her back isn't it?"

"Yeah."

* * *

 

Donna arrived for work early the next morning. She walked into the bullpen with smiles and happy hello's from her co-workers. Josh was on the Hill for most of the morning and she took the time to get reacquainted with the staff and her position as Josh's assistant.

"It's the number on the right, that's the actual not the projection." Donna said to John one of the staff as he struggled with projections for next year's budget.

"Thanks Donna."

"Sure, let me know if you need anything else."

"Donna." She heard turning to the voice. She smiled seeing Agent Tabert walking toward her.

"Hello."

"I heard that you were coming back to work and I..." He hesitated looking into her eyes. "I just...I never got to tell you what a pleasure it was to work with you, even under the circumstances."

"Thanks." Donna replied her face stoned in gentle warmth.

"How have things been going for you?" He asked following her down the corridor.

"Fine. Same old, same old. And you?"

"Hectic. With the inquiry and all..."

"Oh yeah, I forgot." Dona replied turning away, looking for a distraction. "I...uh...I really have to get back to work...."

"No problem. I just wanted to touch base with you..."

"It was nice to see you."

"You too Donna." He finished watching as she practically ran from him. He turned to leave and bumped into Sam.

"Mr. Seaborn just the man I was looking for!"

"Agent Tabert."

"How's it going sir?"

"Fine thanks, and you?" Sam had become the liaison between Leo and Agent Tabert since the beginning of the inquiry. When they found out he was the unidentified source of information coming into the White House during negotiations.

"Good, good. Do you think I could um...talk to you for a minute."

"Sure, my office is right over here." Sam replied as he led the man into his office closing the door behind him.

"Mr. Seaborn I'm not sure if you are the person I should be asking..."

"About what?"

"There are some things that are coming up in the case that I thought you should be aware of."

"What things?" Sam asked the man's statement getting his attention.

"Interrogations that were done during the stand off, certain types of situations." Tabert tried to explain.

"Involving who?"

"Ms. Moss and Director James. Has she mentioned anything like this to you?"

"Not to me personally but I am just a friend she may have mentioned it to someone else. Why?"

"I have been receiving threats from an unknown source regarding the case and knowing Ms. Moss and Mr. Lyman I wanted to make you aware of the situations that may come up in the near future."

"What kind of situations are you referring to?"

"A tape of interrogations held by James has been recently discovered. It is still being reviewed but will turn up as evidence in the inquiry."

"How damaging to James is it?"

"It is irrefutable documentation of Director James' tampering and misuse of all the faculties of the Utah case."

"Donna's on the tape isn't she?"

"Yes. It's the one piece of concrete evidence against him."

"When are they going to submit it to the inquiry?"

"I don't know. Soon though, I just wanted to give you some advanced warning."

"I understand. Thank you Chad."

"I just wish I could do more. Ms Moss doesn't deserve anything that is happening especially what is on that tape. Sir, if I can ask, how is Ms Moss doing?"

"Fine as far as I know, she is recovering. It's going to take time but she's going to get through it."

"I hope so. Something like that can change a person, make them doubt whom they are inside. She is a great lady. I'd hate to see her hurting anymore than she has to. I'm not worried though she has Mr. Lyman. He seems to love her a lot." Sam sat silently for a moment, stunned at this simple boy's intuitive wisdom.

"Yes he does."

* * *

The Bitterns meeting had run long and Donna walked down the corridor to the conference room tray of bottled water in one hand and documents for Josh in the other. She opened the door walking quietly to the back table placing the tray of drinks on it and taking a seat silently watching the progression of the meeting.

"With a bill fighting against the basic fundamentals of free enterprise you are going to need more than a margin. You aren't going to get that if you don't drop the 10% expenditure." Josh explained to the man sitting across from him.

"So you're not giving us your support?"

"How can we? You are asking anyone with less than a two family income to give up an extra 3,000 dollars a year. That's 28% of the general population besides the minor fact that any corporation with any kind of minor adjustment is going to eat the extra."

"We can't drop the tax ride, there won't be enough free cash to cushion the blow to the economy."

"You are just going to have to find the funds somewhere else because the President isn't ready to raise the tax to just flush it down the toilet. You are throwing taxpayer money away."

"You aren't listening to me!"

"Larry we are hearing everything you say there is just no way to get it passed the way it is. We can't give away what we don't have."

"That's bull Josh, you have it you just don't want to give it up."

"You don't know..."

"I do! The tobacco lawyers say jump and you hand them millions of dollars. I am asking for a minimal amount for a worthwhile cause and you..."

"Larry you don't know what we have or do not have. All you know is what Jefferson and Bailey are telling you and that my friend is not the best source of information." Josh finished, glancing at Donna who was sitting listening quietly on the other side of the room. Her eyes were distant and unfocused. Her face was losing its color quickly. "Let's take a break."

The men of the group stood and Josh walked quietly over the where Donna was sitting.

"Hey."

"Hey."

"You okay?"

"Josh..."

"I was just asking."

"Well stop asking." She said quietly, becoming flustered.

"Donna..."

"Josh I don't need you hovering over me. Get back to work." Donna replied handing him the document in her hands and sternly walking out of the room. Josh sat for a moment watching her leave; Toby turned to him with a concerned glance and then resumed the meeting.

 

* * *

Donna sat against the building inhaling the smoke into her lungs. It felt good, calming. She had stolen a few from her grandmother and just used them to clear her head when these 'panic attacks occurred'. She drew in another puff and flicked the ashes into the receptacle. Abruptly she heard someone turning the corner of the building and quickly extinguished the cigarette. Charlie came around the corner and smiled when he saw her.

"Charlie."

"Welcome back."

"Thanks."

"You didn't have to put it out, I wouldn't have told anyone."

"I was done anyway."

"What are you doing out here?"

"I like to take walks around the building."

"Where's the President?"

"Taking a nap."

"Oh."

"I like to walk around the building instead of through it."

"Why?"

"I think if you look at something from the outside you have more appreciation for what happens inside. Something my mom told me. It's like that phrase, never judge a book by its cover. That's not true. Because once you read the book the cover or title of the book has more meaning, it's just you didn't know the meaning before you read the contents."

"That makes sense. It's a very abstract line of thought. I can see why the President has you as his assistant."

"Why's that?"

"Because of your outlook on things. It is as fascinating as his."

"Thank you. I can tell you why Josh has you for his assistant."

"Because I keep him organized." Donna replied rolling her eyes.

"No." Charlie replied smiling.

"Why do you think?"

"Who better to have beside you through the greatest challenge and ambition of your life than your soulmate." Charlie said to her walking silently back into the White House.

* * *

"Hey Margaret."

"Hey Josh."

"Is he ready?"

"Yeah go on in."

"Thanks." Josh replied as he entered the office. Leo was staring out the window of the office in deep thought. He turned as he heard Josh close the door.

"Hey Josh. How'd Bitterman go?"

"Toby and I got them down to seven with an increase in three."

"Good."

"Leo what's going on with Utah?"

"The inquiry?"

"Yeah."

"So far it is all circumstantial evidence, they have witnesses of limited events and those who would know anything more aren't talking. You think something's up?"

"I don't know."

"I heard Donna's back."

"Yeah."

"How is she?"

"Fine I guess, I haven't seen her for more than five minutes today and each of those times she was pissed at me."

"That's not hard to imagine." Leo tried to joke but then stopped seeing concern of Josh's expression. "Josh it's going to take time. She not going to be the same over night."

"I know I just can't help thinking that it should have never happened in the first place. I should have stopped it."

"It was Donna's decision. She was acting in the best interest of the hostages. As a possible extinguisher to a powder keg about to go off. James was wrong but it happened and now we all have to move on."

"I feel more helpless now than I did in Utah. I just..."

"Patience and time. She'll get through it. Donna's strong. Just be there if and when she needs you. That's all you can really do.

'Yeah."

"We still meeting at eight?"

"Yeah, you coming?"

"If the end of civilization doesn't come first."

"Good, see you then."

Josh left Leo's office and started down to CJ's. Leo's words made sense but something was off. Donna wasn't just not being herself. She was also not even close to being anything that resembled Donna. She came back to work without any notice, and when she did, she didn't have even as much as a hello for him. She was working through a lot and it was going to take time. Josh still couldn't shake the uneasy feeling that she was dealing with more than the obvious. He needed to do something. Help, something. It was driving him nuts feeling so helpless. He walked into CJ's office without as much as a knock. She looked up at him with a scowl.

"CJ."

"Josh." CJ replied shaking her head at him.

"Are we all set for eight?"

"I don't know." CJ replied. "Carol?"

"Yes?" Carol said popping her head into the door.

"Are we all set for eight?"

"Yeap." She replied disappearing again.

"Good." Josh said.

"Thanks." CJ called to Carol.

"CJ."

"Josh."

"Is this...Nice?"

"Yeah Josh. This is very nice." CJ replied smiling at him.

"Okay." Josh replied walking out of the room and down to his office. Toby came up aside him as he walked.

"We got them down to 22%."

"Yes we did, but if you think the EPA is going to crawl under a rock and disappear you are kidding yourself Toby."

"What's big deal about clean air anyway? I've been inhaling dirty air for years and I'm fine." Josh turned looking at him and laughing. "Emissions need to..."

"You are not going to attack emissions, we are having this meeting for a very concise point."

"Which is?"

"I don't remember, but it's not emissions."

"You going to appropriations?"

"Yeah."

"Tell Sam to come by my office when you're done?" Toby said, breaking off from the stride and disappearing around the corner.

"Sure."

Josh passed Donna's desk and found it empty. He walked through his doorway and found her sitting at his desk reading.

"You're in my chair."

"Do you need it?" Donna replied not looking up from the document. He leaned against the wall thinking about how many times he found himself in this exact situation. Josh smiled as he watched her read. Her face calm and focused. She seemed fine but he knew she was just hiding.

"No. How was your meeting with Williams?" Josh asked, knowing Leo had insisted that she seek counseling for a while just to make sure everything was okay.

"Fine."

"Did you talk to him?"

"No we sat there staring at each other for an hour. He has beautiful green eyes you know."

"I remember."

"Stop staring at me."

"You're in my chair."

"Fine." Donna replied closing the document and walking past him out to her own desk.

"I heard Agent Tabert came by today. Did you get to see him?"

"Yeah, I saw him in the hallway." Donna replied not turning away from the computer.

"He was really worried about you after..."

"I guess there no more need to worry because I am recovering fine."

"Do you realize you have used the word fine three times in the past two minutes."

"Josh what do you want?" Donna said finally looking at him. Josh paused a moment seeing the flash of contempt in her eyes.

"I need to go to appropriations."

"Then go." Donna replied turning back to her computer. He walked away silently the image of her hatred toward him in that moment running a chill up his back.

* * *

Josh sat through three hours of appropriations his mind unable to focus on the meeting. He was missing something, something beyond the obvious. Josh had never felt so removed from her since they had known each other. It hurt; it made him realize how much she meant to him, how close they were. He needed to get her to talk to him, to console him and tell him everything was okay. That she was going through a rough time but she would be back beside him soon. Josh knew that wasn't going to happen no matter how hard he wished for it, she had pushed him away. Far away and there was no guarantee that she would ever ask him back.

* * *

"CJ." Josh said as he came into her office closing the door and picking up her telephone.

"Josh." CJ replied. "I have to say I love the way you come into my office without any regard to who or what I may be doing."

"Yeah whatever, is it okay if I use your phone?"

"Looks like you already are."

"Who you may be doing?"

"Glad to see you were paying attention. Not that there is any chance of it happening anytime in the near future. Is your phone on the fritz?"

"Special Agent Casper please."

"Casper? You're contact at the FBI Casper?"

"One in the same."

"What's going on?"

"I'll just leave a message...Hey Casper its Lyman give me a call I could use your help..." Josh said, hanging up the telephone a dialing it again.

"What going on?"

"Dunno, but I'm going to try and find out."

"Donna?"

"Yeah."

"Hurry up it's almost seven thirty."

"Yeah." Josh replied as CJ left her office closing the door behind her.

"Mrs. Moss? Hi it's Josh Lyman, I was wondering if I could talk to you for a few minutes about Donna..."

* * *

Donna had received the note from Josh telling her to meet him in the dining hall for dinner at eight. She walked back from CJ's office through the bullpen and noticed it was unusually quiet. Everyone had gone home early, that was a first. Donna stopped at her desk pulling a compact from her purse checking her makeup. She looked into it spitefully seeing bags under her eyes and lines that hadn't been there earlier. 'Damn nightmares'. She quickly put on some lipstick and put it back in her purse. She checked her email once more and read a letter from her mother. She was such a worry wort. Donna dismissed the letter and headed down to the dining hall. It was quiet and the clicking sound of her shoes echoed in her ears. She pushed the doors of the hall open thinking it was strange for the lights to be out so early in the evening.

"SURPRISE!"

Donna jumped back in shock as she was faced with all of the staff standing in the dining hall in party hats and noisemakers. She stopped, the room becoming blurred and inaudible. Donna quickly turned on her heel and ran out of the room. Everyone stood in shock and Josh tore out of the room after her. "Donna!"

He bounded through the wooden doors and quickly saw her as she ran down the hallway. "Donna wait!" Josh called. "Donna, please." He finally saw her slow and turn toward him. "Donna what's wrong?"

"I can't..." Donna said the frustration showing in her eyes, she turned to walk away from him again and he stepped in front of her blocking the way.

"Donna I don't understand what's wrong."

"I just can't do this."

"Do what? Donna you have been.... Please talk to me."

"Josh I...."

"Donna you can trust me."

"Josh you don't know..."

"So tell me." Josh replied his eyes pleading with her to talk to him.

"No." She replied a fire burning in her eyes, she began to walk past him again and he caught her arm swinging her around to face him.

"Why do you keep running from me? It's not like you to..."

"How would you know? You don't know me! I am your assistant I run your errands and type your reports. You don't know anything about me!"

"You know that's not true..." Josh replied. "You are the most generous, intelligent, open person I know and I won't believe that the woman that I have come to know and respect has changed. Not so much that she is going to give up on everyone and everything she cares about because of an awful accident." Josh said brushing his hand on her cheek. "Donna you are so much stronger than you think."

"Josh just stay from me." Donna slashed at him, pulling herself from his grasp and running down the hall disappearing. He heard the doors behind him open and CJ emerged. She walked down the hall meeting Josh as he slumped against the wall.

"Where's Donna? What happened?"

"I don't know." Josh replied helplessly. "I...I don't know."

* * *

CJ and Carol reentered the party explaining Donna's absence as an emergency she had to take care of. They apologized profusely and postponed it to a later date. Everyone went back to work or home for the night. Josh sat at the bar sipping on a scotch. Donna had gone home for the night and he was lost as to what to think. What had he done to make her hate him so much? Sam took a seat beside him at the bar, a serious tone to his expression.

"Hey."

"Hey."

"We need to talk."

"Sam I'm not really..."

"Josh its about Utah." Sam replied getting Josh's full attention.

"What."

"Tabert came to see me."

"I heard."

"Leo asked him to keep me updated on the progression of the inquiry."

"And?"

"And he brought to my attention some things that happened during the standoff that I...we... weren't aware of."

"Like what?"

"Interrogations that happened before you arrived. Between Donna and James."

"What about them?"

"According to Tabert they were less than standard."

"In what way?"

"I don't know but I thought you would want to find out. If it is anything like the way he was describing, very bad." Sam watched Josh's expression closely. His friend went from calm to annoyed to furious as he thought of the invasive and unnecessary questioning Donna had probably endured. Josh sat up straight his fists clenched tightly.

"Why are we now just finding out about this?"

"Tabert found the tapes in evidence and heard them. He brought them to our attention out of concern for Donna. Tabert also told me that they haven't been admitted as evidence yet and wanted to give us a heads up."

"Yet?"

"Things are starting to come out about James and what happened in Utah. Tabert has concerns that Donna may be in over her head."

"How?"

"According to Tabert, James has a lot of friends that are unwilling to admit that anything off scale happened in Utah. Tabert has already been receiving threats..."

"And Tabert thinks that if the word gets out that Donna is an eye witness to the events there may be trouble."

"The tapes will be the evidence that brings James down. She will automatically become a target."

"Because anyone who holds the evidence controls James and the verdict."

"Right."

"We need to talk to Leo."

"You need to talk to her about the tape."

"Why wouldn't she have told us about what was happening?"

"Maybe it was just too much."

"Yeah."

"What?"

"I was just remembering something I walked into in Donna's hospital room. I walked in on her and James."

"What happened?"

"He had he backed into a corner, he was screaming at her, as I walked in..." Josh explained the rage building in his chest "I tore into him and told him to leave."

"Did she ever tell you what it was about?"

"She told me he had come to thank her." Josh replied his hand tightening around his drink.

"Thank her?"

"Yeah, for taking care of Matheson for him."

"Josh why didn't you..."

"I didn't think about it, I just wanted to get her out of there."

"Well that will be another nail in James coffin." Sam replied. "You need to get her to testify,"

"I know. I'll talk to her."

"If you need any help let me know."

"Yeah, thanks" Josh replied as Sam got up from the bar and left.

Why didn't she tell him? What was she scared of?

Josh didn't know how he was going to do this, especially after her icy looks and explosion today. He needed to resolve what really happened for both their sakes. It was killing him to see her like this and it had changed the one thing he had known for certain in his whole life. Donna.

* * *

Josh knocked on the door of her apartment and waited. It opened and he saw her roommate Christi's face. "Hey Josh."

"Hey Christi, is Donna awake?"

"Yeah, come in." She replied letting him into the apartment.

"How was Jamaica?"

"It was great, thanks..." Donna emerged from her bedroom seeing Josh standing in front of the door.

"What are you doing here?" Donna started staring at him and then at Christie. "I told you..."

"I'm going to spend the night at Steve's I'll see you later." Christie said as she grabbed her coat and headed for the door. "Talk to her please..." She said to Josh as she left, closing the door behind her...

"Josh go away." Donna said as she turned walking into the kitchen. "I'm fine there's no reason..."

"That's not what Christi just implied."

"Yeah well Christi doesn't know..."

"What happened? Well apparently, not many people do."

"Josh you can't just come barging in here and expect me..."

"I know what happened in Utah." Josh said watching her face go pale as the words sunk in. "Agent Tabert came to see Sam today and told him everything. Why didn't you tell me about the interrogations?"

"I..." Donna replied a look of shock and relief washing over her face as she turned away from him again." There wasn't any need, I didn't..."

"Didn't think there was anything wrong in what he was doing to you? They have it all on tape."

"Josh you don't know what you are talking about."

"You're right I don't but I'm hoping you are going to tell me."

"I can't..."

"You can't or you won't." Josh asked coldly.

"You choose, either works." Donna replied with the same iciness.

"Donna why are you doing this?"

"I don't know what you are talking about."

"Yes you do." Josh said walking up behind her.

"Just leave me alone."

"No, I won't leave you alone. I am going to hound you, annoy you and stand here until you tell me what's really going on! What did James do to you?"

"He didn't do anything to me!"

"Then tell me what's on the tape."

"I don't know."

"Yes you do."

"What do you want from me?"

"I want you to talk to me."

"There's nothing to talk about." She replied leaving the sink and walking back into her bedroom, Josh quickly following.

"That's not good enough."

"Why are you doing this?" Donna exclaimed finally facing him.

"Because you did it for me."

"That was completely different." Donna replied, walking back out into the living room.

"No it's not. Donna you need to deal with this." Josh replied chasing after her.

"I am."

"No you're not."

"How do you know Josh? Can you read my mind, see my thoughts? Is that another one of your secret gifts?" Donna replied the sarcasm cutting him like a knife.

"What are you scared of?"

"Nothing." Donna replied weakly.

"Are you scared that I might hate you?"

"No. I..."

"Because if you are pushing me away because you are frightened that I might hate you, you are doing a good job of making it happen." Josh said the words killing him slowly as he said them. He watched her face crush beneath his icy tone and knew it had hurt her. "Talk to me Donna, tell me what's..."

"Josh no, stop!" Donna said becoming enraged with his insistence.

"Not until you tell me."

"I can't!"

"Why not? I don't know you? I'm not apart of that side of your life? Donna I thought at the very least we were friends!" Josh exclaimed in frustration.

"No I..."

"You're right I don't know you. You have changed because the Donna Moss I knew wouldn't have shut me out!"

"Josh I didn't..."

"You don't want to tell me fine but I thought we were more than that. I trusted you."

"He's my father!" Donna exclaimed the tears from his harsh words falling down her cheeks.

"What..." Josh whispered his breath caught in his throat.

"Andrew Matheson was my biological father!" Donna said her voice full of pain and spite at his force.

"Wha..." Josh started his eyes turning cold and angry as they met hers.

"I..." Donna struggled seeing his expression. Her eyes fear filled as she watched him react to the statement.

"You know what, I don't want to know." Josh replied as he turned for the door.

"Josh I..." Donna tried to say as she watched him walk out the door without another word.

* * *

"How long have you known?"

Leo looked up from the document he was reading as the door slammed. He could see from Josh's enraged expression he knew the truth and Leo prepared himself for the onslaught.

"Since the beginning."

"Why didn't you tell me?'

"You didn't need to know."

"I didn't need to know that the man who was holding 27 hostages, threatening mass murder and who Donna shot was her father!"

"Josh..."

"When did I get left out of the loop?"

"The only people who knew were the President, James and myself."

"Well I'm glad it was a short list. Too bad I wasn't on it considering I was sent out to Utah to oversee the operation!" Josh retaliated, his voice growing in anger. "Do you know what happened out there? Do you know the hell they put her through?"

"Yes."

"No I don't think you do because Agent Tabert, the inquiries star witness, came to Sam today about a tape that was found of the interrogations James put her through. Rumor has it that they were less then civilized."

"I heard."

"How?"

"Judge Alan called me earlier requesting that Donna be put on the stand to testify against James."

"When?"

"Day after tomorrow. They want her at Hoover to prep tomorrow."

"What did you tell them?"

"That if they wanted to prep her they would have to do it here. With myself and White House counsel present." Leo explained as he watched Josh pace the room. "What happened?"

"I don't know..."

"Josh what happened?" Leo pushed.

"I went over to talk to her about the tape and to see if I could get her to talk to me about what has been going on."

"What's been going on?"

"She's been distant and pushing me away. And then she flipped out at the surprise party telling me to stay away from her."

"So what happened?"

"When I got there she didn't even want to talk to me. I had to practically push my way through the door. She denied anything was wrong and I continued to push her."

"And..."

"And she told me."

"Then what happened?"

"I didn't know what to do...I."

"You ran?" Leo asked glaring at him.

"I didn't mean..."

"Josh how could you run? Damn, you are the political machine that everyone says you are."

"Leo I didn't know what to do. Tell me, what I should have done."

"What you should've done?"

"Yes."

"You don't want to hear this."

"Yes I do. What should I have done?"

"You should have swallowed it and told her everything was going to be okay. Josh the reason she's been such a bitch to you is because she was scared what you would do if you found out."

"Because you were..."

"I was what?" Josh asked as Leo motioned to Josh's chest. "Shot?"

"Yeah."

"Why would she..." Josh stopped realizing what he was alluding to. "She thinks I am going to hate her because she would remind me of the shooting. And if she just pushed me away it would be easier for her to deal with than if I..."

"Genius."

"But that doesn't make any sense. I would never..." Josh protested, Leo looked at him above the rims of his glasses and it finally dawned on Josh that he had reacted the exact way she thought he would. "Oh shit."

"Duh..."

"What do I do?"

"Got me."

"What would you do?"

"I would have never gotten myself in the situation to begin with."

"Great, lots of help there Leo."

"That's what I'm here for."

"Hey Leo how do you know so much about women?"

"I don't. I've just screwed up enough to know what it looks like when it happens."

"Oh." Josh replied starting to walk out of the room. "Leo?"

"Yes Josh." Leo replied an edge of exasperation in his voice.

"Is it too late?"

Leo paused a moment reading his friends torn face. Josh loved this woman more than even he knew. There had to be hope for them even through this. Leo had known love and lost it, he hoped it wouldn't happen to this young and honorable man. "No. It's never too late."

* * *

Josh sat in the EPA initiative meeting with Toby not hearing any thing that was said. It literally went in one ear and out the other. He couldn't stop replaying his conversation with Donna from the night before. He had royally screwed up and he knew it. She had fought so hard not to tell him and finally when he had pushed her to the limit she broke down and he bolted. "Duh." As Leo had so eloquently said the night before. He was the political machine CJ had accused him of being. Was he capable of more, was he capable of loving her the way she deserved...

"Mr. Lyman...Josh..." He heard whispered in his ear he turned taking the message from Bonnie. He read it and excused himself from the meeting. Leo wanted to see him ASAP. He walked down the hall into Leo's office, Margaret opened the door for him and he walked in seeing Leo and Sam waiting for him. Margaret closed the door behind him and he took a seat.

"What's up?"

"Josh we just got word that a man was found murdered in his car downtown. The identity of the man has just been revealed. His name was Chad Tabert."

"Oh my god." Sam said clueless to the event as well.

"What happened?"

"The found him early this morning with two gunshots to the chest and one to the head. There were racial slurs written on the car and surrounding area. The DCPD are classifying it as a hate crime."

"It wasn't was it?" Sam commented.

"We have no conclusive evidence that it wasn't..."

"Agent Tabert has been receiving threats to his life since the beginning of the inquiry." Sam finished.

"What do we do, Donna is schedule to give her statement tomorrow?" Josh asked.

"There's really nothing we can do. I can beef up security and give her a body guard but besides that we are just going to have to be careful."

"Leo...'

"Josh we don't even know if she is a target."

"Tabert seemed to think she would be." Sam added.

"Until we know of an immediate threat I don't want to draw unneeded attention to her or the situation." Leo explained. "I would like one of you or both of you to explain the situation to Donna before the prep meeting at ten." Josh and Sam nodded in agreement. "Okay then, let's get back to work and let me know if and when anything comes up."

Josh followed Sam silently out of the office and down the hall.

"So do you want me to be there when you tell Donna?"

"Actually Sam I was wondering if you wouldn't mind telling her, I'm..." Josh began staring down at the floor. "I'm not her favorite person right now. She's been through so much and I think it may be easier coming from you."

"You screwed up last night didn't you?"

"Yeah." Josh replied. "How'd you know?"

"I know you just about as well as Donna. Plus you are here and she's not."

"She told me the truth and I ran." Josh replied, the infinite sorrow showing in his eyes.

"Josh..."

"Sam don't, I already got the lecture from Leo."

"When are you going to wake up?"

"I didn't know I was sleeping." Josh replied continuing to walk.

"More like a coma."

"Yeah well now I have to save the EPA from Toby."

"Good luck. I'll let you know what happens."

"Yeah" Josh replied turning thoughtfully "Thanks Sam."

"No problem."

* * *

Sam sat in his office trying to decide the best way to approach this. If he knew Donna she would see the look on his face and automatically know something was wrong. He couldn't believe this was happening. This whole ordeal had gone from a standoff to a conspiracy, in less time than it took to get the senate to agree to take a lunch.

He shouldn't be doing this Josh should. She needs to hear this from Josh. She trusts Josh. Not that she didn't trust him but for something like this it just wasn't the same. Sam had watched Josh and Donna's relationship grow over the past four years. He understood it as much as an observer could. Josh was his friend and so intelligent sometimes it was scary but the man was blind. Even Sam knew it when it was real. He hadn't been there yet, close but not quite. However, he yearned for a relationship like theirs. A friendship that went beyond the unconscience lines we all drew. Something deeper.

"She on her way." Bonnie called to him as she walked by the office. Sam began rearranging his desk nervously. He then heard a knock on the door. Looking up Donna was standing in the doorway looking tired and worn.

"Morning Sam, I got a message you wanted to see me?"

"Yeah Donna please come in." Sam replied walking around and closing the door as Donna took a seat on the couch.

"What's up?"

"Donna I have to tell you something." Sam replied taking a seat next to her on the couch. "Earlier this morning a man was found shot to death in his car..."

"It was Tabert wasn't it?" Donna interrupted her face lined with remorse.

"How..." Sam started the look of shock consuming his face.

"I received a call from Tabert last night asking me to have lunch with him this morning. I agreed to meet him downtown."

"What happened?"

"I got to the restaurant and found this." Donna explained pulling out an opened envelope and handing it to him. Sam opened it as Donna stood walking quietly to the corner of the room.

_If you testify, you will end up like Tabert._

 

"When did they find him?"

"This morning downtown." Sam replied watching her stare blankly out the window. "He was found murdered in his car by the DCPD...it's hitting the mainstream as a racial confrontation. But we believe..."

"James." Donna said coldly.

"Leo has set up extra security for you."

"Donna we have to show this to Leo."

"I know, I am going to show it to him at the meeting." Donna replied turning away from Sam's eyes.

"Donna I know this is a lot to dissolve, but your testimony..."

"I know. I would never walk away, not after...I'm going to see this through Sam." She stopped a moment turning to Sam. "Does Josh know?"

"Yeah, Leo told the both of us this morning." Donna started walking to the door, she hesitated a moment at the door.

"Sam..." Donna said finally still not turning to him. "I need to know that everything that was just said in this office is confidential."

Sam waited a moment taking a deep breath as he watched her waiting for a response from him. Her head was down wisps of blonde hair covering her expression.

"Yeah."

Donna opened the door of the office and walked out never looking at him.

* * *

Josh sat alone in the cafeteria staring a document he was supposed to be reading. Josh had gone to his endless meetings feeling the weight of what had happened between them the night before tugging at his heart. He had hurt her and that's the last thing he'd ever wanted to do.

"Hey." Sam greeted taking a seat beside him.

"Hey. How'd it go?"

"Okay I guess."

"What does that mean?"

"It means it went okay."

"Can you be more descriptive?"

"No. If you wanted descriptive you should have told her."

"Thanks Sam I needed that." Josh replied shortly, leaning back into his chair.

"Josh."

"Yeah Sam."

> > "You'll both get through this."
>> 
>> "I don't know if..."

"If she can forgive you for being an idiot?" Sam replied sarcastically but with a serious edge. "Josh do you realize everything you have put her through over the past four years? The election, polling, planning, you losing your cool at least three times an hour on a good day? All the while Mandy torturing her because of the green eyed monster. And speaking of that, have you let her go out on one date without giving her three weeks of shit? She stuck around for all of it, she's forgiven you time and again for being an idiot."

"Sam if could have seen the look on her face." josh explained the imaging coming to him as he spoke. "I...I really hurt her. I've never seen her look at me like that before."

"She'll forgive you."

"What makes you so sure?"

"Josh whether you are ready to admit it or not you love her, you always have, and she loves you in return. You can see it in they way you talk, the way you smile and laugh when you are together." Sam started the passion of his words couldn't be ignored. "Since I've known you, you've never gotten involved. There wasn't time for feelings or distractions. When all of this happened you didn't even think, you jumped right in. You were right there, where you needed to be. Not because she needed you there, but because you needed to be there. You couldn't let anything happen to her and that action speaks for itself. That's what makes me sure." Sam stood and walked away leaving Josh staring blankly at the glass in front of him.

Sam was right, he was in love with her, and he had been for a very long time now. He denied it and resisted it because it would make things too complicated but now...She thought he hated her and he felt like he lost his best friend, his love and his life.

 

* * *

 

Donna's prep had gone all-day and late into the night. Josh waited patiently by her car wanting to talk to her before tomorrow's hearing. He saw her walking out of the West Wing she looked exhausted and drained. She approached her car and then saw him waiting there for her.

"Josh what are you doing here?"

"I wanted to talk to you."

"Talk like we did last night? Sorry but I think I'll pass."

"No, not like last night. I..."

"Josh just...don't..."

"Donna I want to tell you..."

"What? You want to clear your conscience before my life hits the morning papers?"

"Okay I deserved that. Donna I'm sorry."

"Josh I can't deal..."

"I know you can't I just wanted you to know that I don't hate you, I never could and I never would."

"Josh its not that easy..."

"Yes it is."

"No..."

"When I was shot last year and even before then, you stood by me. You gave me everything you had in you. Everything you could possibly give and I never said thank you. I never told you how much it meant." Josh said, the emotion in his voice tearing at her heart.

"Josh I'm your assistant."

"No you're not. You are so much more than my assistant. You're my friend, my confidant, and my sounding board. The person who keeps me focused and the person who keeps me honest about my job and myself. Whatever happened in the past or the present will never change the way I feel about you and what you mean to me."

"Josh stop I can't hear this, not after..."

"I know you're scared. I know you are unsure about what's going to happen. So here." Josh took her hand from her side and it tenderly and put it to his heart. "Use me, use my heart. Lean on it; use it to help you through tomorrow and all of the other days when you are unsure of yourself. Use it to heal your wounds and stand alone again." Josh said to her his coral eyes warm and glowing with emotion. "I gave it to you along time ago, you just didn't know it."

"I..." She whispered, and was silenced by his finger gently touching her lips as he stepped closer.

"Donna, I can live without my heart but I can't live without you." Donna searched his eyes relentlessly, looking for any sign of fear. She saw none; all she saw was the emotion she had never seen before reflecting from his soul. "You have nothing to be afraid of." He watched her eyes search his face, her hand still lain on his chest. He took it gently kissing the palm of it. Donna met his eyes a tear running down her cheek. He brushed it away gently with his thumb wrapping his arms around her waist. Her arms entwined themselves around his neck as he pulled her close to him. They stood there for a long while breathing in and out into each other's bodies, not wanting to break the embrace that they had both longed for. Time stood still as fate smiled on them, hearing their laughter, their tears and most of all their unspoken love.

* * *

The inquiry was set to begin at ten am in the Hoover building. Leo had arranged it so that both he and Josh could sit in on it and listen. The inquiry was made up of eight individuals the attorney General, two Judges and several high-ranking members of the Bureau. As they first entered the room Josh, Donna and Leo sat in the back corner as the interrogation tapes were played for the group. The interrogations were hard and clearly violently threatening. Donna took a deep breath through the last one and Josh gently squeezed her hand. Finally the tape was stopped and Donna was called to testify. She stood quietly taking her seat at the table in front of the board. There was a microphone in the middle of the table directly in front of her so that her entire statement could be recorded.

 

"Thank you for coming Ms. Moss the board realizes this is a difficult situation all around but I can assure you that we will try to make this as painless and quick as possible. Ms. Moss I have read over the briefs of your statement but could you please tell me in your own words your history with Andrew Matheson."

"Andrew Matheson is my biological father. Up until the age of twelve, I never knew who he was and I had no contact with him. My mother received a notice that he wanted visitation rights and so she was forced to allow him to see me. So the following month I met him for the first time."

"What happened at that first meeting?"

"It was pretty normal, very relaxed. He wanted to be my friend more than anything else. For the next few months I saw him every other weekend and we became close."

"What happened to change your relationship?"

"One weekend when I went to visit there was an immense snow storm. It blew out the power so we used candles. He started talking to me about his life and his experience Vietnam. The only thing I remember is a huge flash of light outside and how I started talking, but couldn't remember the words I was saying. I assumed I fell asleep. After that, he started acting very erratic. I didn't realize it at first. I thought he was just paying more attention to me than usual. Then he started reading the bible a lot, and then he would ask me questions. If I didn't give him the answers he wanted his mood would change quickly and he would get very angry..."

"Why did he think you, as a child would have the answers to his questions?"

"It is written that God would speak through the children with the words of the Son of Man. My father thought that he was the Son of Man and God spoke through me. That I could hear God's voice and verbalize it to him, giving him instructions on what God wanted him to do."

"What would happen when he got angry Donna?" Donna hesitated a moment and then continued.

"He would punish me."

"How would he punish you Donna?"

"At first he would just lose control and yell and scream at me, then he would confine me to my room and tell me to pray for forgiveness."

"Would he beat you?"

"Yes."

"Did he ever have forced sexual relations with you?"

 

"No."

"How many times have you read the bible Ms. Moss?"

"54."

"When did he start locking you in a room with only a candle and the bible?"

"I was 13."

"How long did this type of behavior go on?"

"Three years."

"What happened next?"

"My mother found out what was going on and stopped letting me see him."

"Did you at the age of fifteen receive treatment for a condition known as Manson Syndrome?"

"Yes I did."

"Can you elaborate?"

"After my mother found out what my father had been doing she stopped visitation. I was very angry with her and acted out violently toward her quoting the bible and threatening to..." Donna stopped a moment struggling with her thoughts. "Kill her. She realized it was because of my fathers influence and took me to several Psychiatrists where it was diagnosed."

"What type of treatment were you put through?"

"It is called deprogramming. It is the progressive wiping away of any suggestive stimuli in unconscience."

"Was it successful?"

"Yes."

"So you can say with utmost certainty that Andrew Matheson had no influence or control over you during the time of the standoff in Utah."

"Yes I can."

"Yet you walked right back into easy conversation and knowledge of Matheson's psyche when you performed the negotiations?"

"Yes."

"How do you explain your actions that night?"

"While my unconscience had been released from his control during the deprogramming. I still retained the relative memories from the experience. I simply called upon them during the negotiations."

"Did you at any time in your time in Utah feel your control slipping into the grasps of Matheson?"

"No I did not."

"How did you combat the obvious strain you were under that would make you vulnerable to his methods of brainwashing?"

"I tried to focus on my intent. The reason I was there. To free the people inside the compound, nothing was as important to me during that time."

"Even your own well being?"

"Yes."

"Ms. Moss it has come to the attention of the board that your dealings with Assistant Director James were less than standard. Is that true?"

"Yes it is."

"Would you care to elaborate on the events and actions that took place while you were within Assistant Director James' custody?" Donna paused a moment digesting the question slowly. "Ms. Moss you do understand that you are here voluntarily and you are not required to answer any of these questions."

"Yes I do."

"And in the judgement of Assistant Director James you will have the full protection of the United States government."

"Yes I do."

"Do you wish to continue?"

"Yes I do."

"Whenever you are ready Ms Moss. Take your time."

"When I first discovered my fathers connection to the standoff in Utah I was pleased to help the FBI in anyway I could to bring the situation and rising tensions to a close. I was questioned and taken to Utah shortly after and that is when I first met Assistant Director James. He was a very intimidating man and I assumed it was just his way of taking the lead in a situation. Then he began his interrogations of me.

His purpose was not to get me to help him resolve the situation it was to exploit the situation. For reasons, which are unknown to me, he treated me as the enemy, as a target for his rage against the situation. The hounding and mental abuse from this man reminded me of something. I later realized it was my father.

Assistant Director James goal from the moment the stand off began was to bring the entire compound down to its knees in a blaze of FBI glory. He did not want it resolved peacefully. He wanted their heads to hang on a wall like a trophy. He wanted to conquer them. I helped him. I helped him kill those people who did not deserve to die.

When I used to think of the FBI, I would think of justice, honor, and truth beyond consequence or resolve. Now I think of gorillas, bigotry and deceit. What disturbs me the most is what he did after it was all said and done. He came to my hospital room and thanked me. He thanked me for shooting my father for him, for eliminating the thorn in the side of the country. I began to wonder who the monster was. James, for going in with a full-blown assault and killing needlessly or myself for not stopping it from happening. I trusted an image, an illusion that is obviously a fraud. I know that the world is full of illusions. I'm just beginning to wonder if the people that are labeled as insane aren't the ones really speaking the truth, and we are just to busy and naive to hear them."

* * *

The inquiry had ended and Donna was taken to a secure room to sign her statement. Leo and Josh waited patiently outside in the hallway; they were both speechless and awestruck by Donna's statement to the board. They were horrified and touched by the revelation of James actions on the tape. By Donna's history with her father, and by her insightful comment on the FBI and the surrounding world.

She emerged from the inquiry room her face sturdy but slowly breaking apart as she walked toward them. As she drew closer, Leo and Josh could see the tears streaming down her face. Josh took her in his arms holding her tightly as she cried against him. Leo put a supportive hand on her shoulder as she continued to cry.

"You did great Donna." Leo said and he walked down the hall out to the car, leaving them alone.

Josh kissed her forehead and stroked her hair as he continued to hold her within his arms. "You did it baby, it's over."

* * *

 

Leo McGarry walked into the residence of the West Wing and found the President sitting in the chair relaxing with an ancient version of Moby Dick. He looked up at Leo with a smile.

"Mr. President. I hope I am not disturbing you."

"Not at all Leo please have a seat." The President offered to him, putting the book down on the table next to him. "How did the inquiry go?"

"It was disturbing." Leo started, taking a seat on the adjacent couch. "I will never understand how people allow themselves to be caught up in something so abstract as extreme religion."

"Do you have a problem with religion Leo?"

"No sir, not at all I am a devout Christian. But these people who take to such an extreme. Pushing the lines of reason and sanity."

"Religion and religious cults have been an issue in this world since it began. Most of the wars of this world were over religion, dating as far back as the Egyptians. Look at the Romans, the Crusades. Even now the major source of conflict in the world is centered around religion."

"I have always looked at religion as a sacred and personal way of life. These people who force it upon others, brainwashing them, taking everything they own and love..."

"Someone once said that religion is the source of faith in something beyond comprehension. If you take that in a literal sense, it can be applied to so many things. Take politics for example. This country was founded in a religious society. The original parties were divided by faith. Not because it was bigotus or forced but because that was the consensus of thinking at the time.

Even now, the elements that hold a party together are the consensus of belief in certain values and ideals of the way the world should be. When those ideals are challenged and one party thinks differently the automatic human response is to get the other party to change its ideals. Therefore, we have this constant struggle between ideals and the people who hold them.

Religion is not the enemy. The people who use it as a weapon to defend their beliefs are the problem. In religion as in politics there is little room for compromise."

"You'd think that in the world as it has evolved would evolve in to a new understanding of human nature and religion."

"As the world evolves it is actually having the opposite effect on human society. Did you know what the statistical number of people in the United States during the First World War that had religious involvement stayed at a steady ratio of 58%? After World War 2, they jolted to 67%. However, after the Korean Conflict and the Vietnam Conflict those numbers soared to an astounding 85% progressively. Now I ask you what was the difference in the four wars."

"Besides the fact that two of them weren't considered wars only conflicts?"

"That and the mental raping of each. In World War Two we had the introduction of the Atom bomb, the holocaust and the beginning of the cold war. In Korea, we had the progression of Communism and a lack of leadership within our own country. In Vietnam, we were faced with such horrifying rules of engagement that very few of the veterans can utter the explanations of what actually happened.

My point is, that as the nation as a people were faced with the true atrocities of humanity they began to doubt their lives, their souls. And looking for the answers turned to religion."

"So when people are faced with the unknown they look to a higher power to take control and ease their fears."

"Right. Religion in today's world is so spastic and so powerful because we make it that way, because we need it so much it get through our daily lives. It gives us direction, it gives us peace. So for that reason in no way is religion a bad thing to anyone in any way."

"It's a threat when it is used in a manner that it's not meant for."

"Right. To hurt, not heal." President Bartlet explained. "I can tell you there is not a day that goes by that I don't talk to the man upstairs. He is my friend, my confidant, my savior and I thank the heavens that I found him everyday of my life."

"Yes sir."

"Go home Leo, it's late and Ahab is waiting for me."

"Yes sir."

"Leo."

"Yes Mr. President."

"Is Donna going to pull through this okay?"

"Yes sir. She is going to pull through this just fine."

"Good. How about Josh?"

"Let's just say they have each other to lean on, sir."

"So he isn't the political machine he appears to be."

"Apparently not Mr. President."

* * *

Josh asked her before they left the Hoover Building if she wanted him to take her home and simply shook her head. He knew she didn't want to be alone right now but she needed to rest. She was quite and withdrawn on the way, trapped within her own thoughts. Josh pulled up to his apartment and parked the car. She followed him in with no objections. He watched her carefully as she walked over to the mantle running over the edge of it lightly with her fingertips.

" I wanted him dead."

Josh stopped a moment not knowing exactly what to say. She had said it with such certainty. As if it was a fact not a thought. "Donna you..."

"I had wished he would die for years. I prayed for it. I decided that the next time I would see my fathers face would be at his funeral. I hated him for what he had done to my family. For not being a normal Dad."

"I think I would have hated him too." Josh replied quietly to her as he walked forward taking her hands in his. "Donna I can't begin to imagine what it is you are going through but I know that you will get through this. You will look in the mirror again and see the person I see now. A beautiful, intelligent, strong woman who can take any situation, any person and find the good in them. Donna you feel and see the things that other people ignore, and you reach out to them with all that you are." Josh said to her with all of the sincerity and love he could convey.

"I don't know if I can..." Donna protested to him. "Josh what happened didn't only kill my father it killed me. Or at least the person I was. I'm dead. I'm as dead inside as the body lying in that grave."

"No your not you are just..."

"Yes I am, I have to be or I would feel something, I would regret what happened, I would miss him, I would cry for him! But I don't, I have turned into this monster with no conscience and remorse." She became silent again the emotions of her memories showing in her face.

"You are not a monster!" Josh objected.

"I should feel something right? I shot him didn't I? Bang you're dead." Donna exploded in frustration. "It's as simple as that. But there's nothing...Josh there's nothing and that scares me more than anything. I don't know if I will ever..."

"You will. It's just going to take time. You have to be patient with yourself." Josh lightly placed a hand beneath her chin raising her eyes to meet his. "I believe in you."

"Thank you." Donna said as he felt her hand reach up and touch his cheek. He reveled in the softness of her touch and quickly got lost in her blue eyes. Full of life, pain and unquenchable warmth. She spoke to him without words, her soul touching him in a way that made him loose his breath. He moved over her slowly covering her lips with a deep and longing kiss. Her lips melted against his as she returned it with as much passion and devotion as he had ever known. He needed her and she needed him, and in that was a friendship that had grown and flourished into something more.

The sweet embrace was broken by the ringing of Josh's phone, he stared into her eyes hoping the phone would silence but when it didn't he walked over picking it up.

"Lyman...yeah." Josh heard Sam talking on the other end but couldn't concentrate as he watched Donna curl up on the couch in a blanket. His body tingled and his mind was calm. The kiss they had just shared was implanted in his thoughts..."  
"Josh are you there?"

"Yeah, Sam. Sorry, what were you saying?" Josh replied in apology. He listened as Sam went over the meeting with Logan and told him that a last meeting was scheduled for the next day at 2:30 pm. "Yeah, okay...I have to go. Yeah bye." Josh hung up the phone and sat down next to Donna on the couch.

"Was that Sam?"

"Yeah. Logan is tomorrow at 2:30."

"You already have a 2:30."

"Who?"

"Bitterman."

"Oh, yeah. Yeah well I'll worry about it tomorrow." He said leaning back on the couch. "You hungry?"

"A little." Donna replied her eyes looking tired.

"So I am thinking." Josh said scooting closer and putting his arm around her, she turned slightly leaning into him.

"Yes?"

"I will go and get us some food and a movie and while I am gone you can relax and maybe take a nap."

"Joshua are you trying to tell me what to do?"

"Well I am still your boss..." Josh replied teasing her. "No, it was just a suggestion you look tired."

"I am." Donna replied leaning her head on Josh's chest he bent his head down kissing her forehead. She looked up at him and he traced the outline of her face with his fingertip. His hand reached tenderly into her hair pulling her to him in a sweet and delicate kiss. Their lips parted and he took a deep breath of control. She smiled devilishly at him and he laughed.

"Okay, I am going to get food and you are going to rest." Josh said standing up and walking to the table picking up his keys. "You in the mood for anything in particular?"

"Food."

"Good answer. I'll be back." He stopped a moment still staring at her, he moved forward kissing her again and then forced himself to pull away. "Okay..."

Josh left the apartment and Donna smiling. She curled into the blanket stretching out on the couch. She was exhausted and it wasn't long until she drifted off to that place between consciousness and sleep.

She heard someone open in the door and then close it softly. Josh was home. She opened her eyes and slowly sat up seeing no one.

"Josh?"

Donna stood walking back to the kitchen and bedroom. Still nothing. She must have imagined it...Abruptly she felt a painful blow to the back of her head and fell to the ground hard. Her vision fogged and she struggled to get to her feet. Something pushed her hard to the floor again and then she heard him. "Honey I'm home."

She watched shoes walking away from her and she pulled herself up slowly against the wall. "You didn't really think you could bring me down did you? You and your White House friends."

"What do you want James, I've already testified, it's too late." Donna replied confidently as she struggled to remain standing.

"Yes I know and I realize that this is a moot point but none the less I am here to..."

"To what? Kill me like you killed Tabert?"

"Ah yes, Chad Tabert. He was a snoopy little shit wasn't he, but in fact I didn't kill him. Someone did the dirty deed for me."

"Why do you hate me so much?"

"Why do I hate you? It's very simple Ms Moss you ruined my life!"

"You ruined your own life when you decided to ignore FBI standards of negotiation and become the judge and jury of a man who was defending himself and his followers."

"Bold words. You know nothing."

"I know everything you did James, I know all about how you raided the compound with no authorization and killed three men. I know how you set up the arbitration specifically to draw Matheson out and begin a full-scale assault on the compound. I even know the name of the Agent that took the first shot under your direct order."

"Matheson wasn't going to give up the hostages, everyone knew that! It was time for action."

"You blew the lid off it before he could even begin to negotiate with us! You wanted to cover up your mistake didn't you?"

"Shut up you bitch!"

"You wanted to clean up the mess you had made! You didn't want me in Utah that's why you hounded me and convinced me I was the enemy.

I was the key that could have ended the standoff and you knew it! You didn't wanted the standoff to end you wanted them to all die so that no one would ever find out what you had done!"

"That's right you little whore you walked into the picture and ruined all of it, the whole plan. With your words and cooperation. Your foul nobility. I had to play along because the White House was watching but I still took care of it didn't I? One little bullet and all hell broke loose and took care of Matheson. Oh I'm sorry. No, you did that for me."

"You're a monster." Donna spat at him. James pulled his gun out of the holster and raised it pointing it directly at her head.

"That may be but I am the last monster you will ever see."

 

* * *

Josh turned the corner to his street and stopped, his street had been blocked off by the police. Josh's heart began to race as he jumped out of the car running to his apartment complex. Abruptly he heard his name being called, turning he saw Leo standing beside a communications truck. "Leo what the hell is going on!"

"Josh listen to me very carefully."

"Leo..."

"Josh listen to me!" Leo exclaimed trying to calm the man down. Josh finally stopped trying to focus. "James broke into your apartment."

"What! Donna's..."

"We know."

"How do you know?"

"Josh yesterday in the prep meeting it was decided that James was a definite threat so we came up with a plan to not only protect Donna but also nail James. Donna is wired. We can hear everything that is happening in the apartment."

"Wired? You can hear everything?"

"Everything. Once she gets him to make a full confession we can go in and apprehend him."

"Leo this is crazy, that guy is a lunatic there is no way she'll be able..." Josh protested, realizing how futile it was considering it was now out of his hands. "What's happening now?"

"She is talking to him. He has a gun." Leo said watching Josh's face twist in anger. "But these guys have it under control. They'll tell us as soon as they decide to go in." Leo explained trying to reassure Josh of the situation. Suddenly the back of the truck opened and a man came out.

"We got it!"

"Has the order to move been given?"

"Yes sir, we should have her out in moments." Josh listened to the man respond as he waited helplessly beside Leo. He wanted to hit something, kill someone. He shouldn't have left her alone. He couldn't loose her, not now...

Suddenly there was a loud whistling and a bang like a gunshot.

* * *

"What is killing me going to get you James? You wiped Tabert's death with racial slurs. How are you going to cover this up? Everyone knows about the threats you sent to Tabert and I. Don't you think they will put two and two together?"

"I should have killed you in the hospital when I had the chance. 'White House staffer throws herself out of hospital window after shooting her own father.'. Your boss screwed that one up for me didn't he? I have to say you have some balls Donna. I threatened you, I lied to you, I even beat the crap out of you and still, here you stand. I don't care what happens now. I have nothing more to live for; I just need you to die. Then my life will be complete." Donna watched as James stood still pointing the gun at her. Dizziness began to sweep her mind and she swayed slightly on her feet. She saw James lower the weapon slightly looking at her and laughing. Suddenly there was a loud whistling and a bang. James turned swiftly startled by the sudden explosion of sound, the gun flailing in his hands. Donna took the opportunity and stepped forward kicking the gun from his hand. It flew across the room and they both hesitated a moment and then dove for it. Donna flew father forward than James and he began clawing at her body. He pulled her back by her ankles, flipping her over and pinning her to the floor. She reached out biting him and then sending a knee to his groin. James fell back groaning in pain and Donna picked up the gun, pointing it at him now.

"Looks like things have changed eh?" Donna said as she held the gun tightly backing away.

"You don't have the..."

"Don't I? I've already shot my father and I loved him I don't think shooting someone I hate would hurt? Do you?" Donna replied coldly her eyes flashing of determined rage. "You are not going to hurt anyone anymore. You are not going to make anyone feel useless or guilty for things that weren't their fault and you will never threaten anyone ever again."

The door of the apartment fell hard to the ground, a barrage of men filing into the room. They all stopped seeing Donna in control of the gun and pointing it at James. She stood staring intently at the man, her body perfectly still. The room was absolutely silent. Her finger squeezed the trigger.

"BANG!"

James jumped back and then opened his eyes seeing Donna smiling at him. She let the gun slide forward on her finger. The Agents quickly took a stunned James into custody. He stared at Donna as she leaned forward picking up the clip of the gun off the floor. She smiled showing it to him as he was taken away. As she watched him leave she leaned against the wall sliding down it and sat on the floor the emotion of the moment, the weeks and the years overwhelming her.

She closed her eyes, hot tears falling down her cheeks. Suddenly she heard her name and she opened them to see Josh pushing through the room toward her. He swept her swiftly into his arms and held her tightly as she cried.

"Thank god you're alright." Josh said aloud. "Donna you should have told me... If anything would have happened to you I would have...."

"I know, I'm sorry." Donna replied between her on slaught of tears. "Josh I...I love you." He froze a minute pulling back from her.

"What?"

"I love you." She repeated her eyes showing the hesitation of her words, but also the feeling behind them. Josh's heart skipped a beat as the words resounded in his ears and he felt a huge smile coming to his lips. He thought he would be scared. That he would feel like he was giving something away, but he didn't. It was calm, gentle and natural.

"I love you too." She returned his smile and he kissed her deeply as she melted into his arms. Leo walked in seeing them seated against the wall in their lovers embrace and simply smiled.

* * *

It was cold as they walked along the path. The snow crunching beneath their feet breaking the silence of white world. Josh watched her as she moved forward and slowly stopped. Josh read the headstone as she knelt silently on the icy ground placing the flowers on the fresh grave.

'Andrew Matheson.

Father, son, brother, and friend.

He must have been the clouds in our eyes.'

The inquiry ended three days after James arrest. He was named as the sole proprietor of deceit in the report handed to the attorney general. The oblivity of other involved in the conspiracy were left to internal affairs. Agent Tabert's mother received the Medal of Valor from the Attorney General at his funeral. Josh, Donna, Sam and Leo were all in attendance to pay their respects. Josh surprised Donna with a trip home to her family. He knew she had never gotten to say good-bye to her father and he decided it would be the perfect birthday present.

Josh watched as she knelt in the icy snow beside the grave. She placed the bouquet of flowers they had bought gently on the gravesite. Along with a sealed envelope containing a letter she had written to her father. Josh didn't know what the letter said but he had watched her pour her heart and soul into it. Finally being able to say the things she never could. She stood slowly stepping back into his embrace.

"He loved you."

"I know he did." She replied quietly. "The man in Utah wasn't my father. My fathers soul was released a long time ago." She turned to face him her eyes shining in love and sadness. "And that's why it's okay. He's at peace, now he can rest."

Josh wrapped his arms around her again as they walked out of the cemetery leaving the past behind.

Embracing the future.

> >   
>  __
>> 
>> Dear Dad,
>> 
>> This letter is not about anger. It's not about hate and it's not about regret. This letter is about the love of a father whose life became too much and he lost himself within an unknown world. I understand you; I forgive you because I love you.
>> 
>> I haven't been able to say that to anyone in a really long time and I can see why now. A very special man showed me once that love is not a gift, it is not a plan it isn't even a requirement. It just is. You can't deny it, you can't push it away and you can't ignore it. It happens in an instant and stays with you for a lifetime. I can believe in that now because it has found me a few times in my life and now I have found it again.
>> 
>> I look at him and I see a man I once knew. He is kind and gentle. Caring and honest. He listens to me, he hears me without words. He knows me and my heart. I love him; Dad and I will spend the rest of my life making him happy. Because of you, I have this love to give; I have this life to share. Thank you for bringing me into this world and blessing me with a life full of love and infinite possibilities.
>> 
>> I will always remember your smile and you warmth.
>> 
>> I love you Dad.

Donnatella ****

The End.

 

 

I hope you enjoyed the Fan Fiction you just read. If you did or even if you didn't, I would love to hear your comments! 


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